Moving on after narcissistic abuse

[ItsMeElma]

Hello,

I've recently come out of a very toxic relationship with a narcissistic abuser. I've started seeing this new guy, who is really lovely and very hot! I have a great time with him, and enjoy spending time with him.

The problem is, I'm just not feeling the sexual side of things...I'm more into the cuddling and spooning and less the actual sex.

Has anyone else had a similar problem? Any thoughts/advice?

Thanks

LS

I am experiencing this myself right now. 4 months on from the narcissist and I have met a man who will take his time with me and not push me. He understands some days I can’t deal with being touched and he accepts it. I can’t bring myself to be sexual with him yet. He isn’t pushing me. He knows everything that happened and is patient with me. Maybe have a conversation and explain your feelings. I don’t know how I can get over this but hoping it’s a time thing.

From personal experience, having gone through the same I feel a little bit like I want my body and mind and soul to myself. Sometimes in narcissistic relationships are hinged on sex, where compliance with sex makes for 'good times' and ensures you are not being stonewalled or shouted at. Subconsciously that makes an association that sex is a tool for peacekeeping and becomes on some level degrading. Learning and keeping boundaries is part of your recovery - if a new man is happy and keen and wants to make it work, he go at your pace and be part of your wonderful recovery process

@ItsMeElma congratulations on meeting a great guy. I had a destructive relationship with a man who I believe to have narcissistic personality disorder. All of the signs were there. Some of the 'red flags' were so glaring, in hindsight, I'm not sure why I gave him second (and third and forth) chances. However, the physical side was electric. Even kissing him felt like the earth moved. Being physical with any other man was never the same after him.

I'm afraid I'm not in a particularly healthy relationship now so I can't advise but I do think you're in such a great place to move forward. Maybe what you'll build is a loving, tender connection where sex is truly about making love. The very best of luck to you and good on you for getting out!

You could have a look at Melanie Tonia Evans re healing from narcissistic abuse