Jumping the gun

[Sillysausage12345]

Morning

Just a moan really as this has been bothering me for a couple weeks.

Why do men/women think it’s ok to “ghost” these days when it comes to dating?

Is there anyone that calls the said ghoster out on their behaviour?

I recently (few weeks back) went on a couple lovely dates with a guy I met in town, only not to hear from him again after he stayed round. I did message a couple times but didn’t get a response so my last message was basically “nice getting to know however this not replying or ingnoring isn’t for me, good luck with work plans and see you around”.

Although I know a lot of you will say I should have just walked away not saying anything but I needed some closer and to draw a line under it.

I always try to give people an explanation for my actions and treat people how I would want to be treated, but I’ve learnt over the years that I may be in the minority...

Is social media to blame for this? Considering it is so easy now to get a date for every night of the week? I don’t know, I’m social media and dating app free.

It is cowardly to ghost. He got what he wanted then dropped you, not giving you the courtesy to explain or say goodbye, which would be treating you with dignity and respect. Revolting.

You are not alone. I don't treat people like this and plenty don't. But sadly it is a trend recently. Horrible.

Being ghosted is horrible. I’ve been with my partner a year and a half and he’s recently pulled back from me with no explanation. I tried to call him last night and ask calmly why this was but he got defensive and said he was tired, and hasn’t spoke to me since. It’s such a horrible feeling. I remember I went on a date before that I thought went really well, guy seemed to like me, kept complimenting my looks, we got on well, we kissed at the end of it he dropped me home and I think I got one text from him after that and then I saw him posting things on Facebook and ignoring my messages to him. It’s nasty and having been on the receiving end I will never get why this happens.

No ghosting has been around, I was ghosted 15 years ago much before social media days two months into dating someone. I know how it feels. You keep wondering what happened.

BUT I do think social media and all this texting creates false sense of intimacy, put things in perspective, you met him a few weeks ago, saw him a couple of times, so spent what, a grand total of 10 hours with him in person? Do you want him to send you a text and say sorry I don't fancy you? He is telling you that by not contacting you. You are practical strangers, so even though I don't agree with this behaviour, I think you should not bother about it too much and move on and adjust your expectations so early on in dating.

I’ve ghosted a girl once when I was younger.

Three dates in and she was already “I think I’m falling for you” and a talking about meeting parents.

I met up for a drink and just said to her that i think she was feeling more of a spark than me.

We went our deprecate ways and then I started getting messages constantly about what did I do wrong etc and I sent one back saying that she was a great lass, but just not the one for me, and she carried on, so I just ignored them.

To be frank, she got quite nasty about it.

Cambshusband but that's not ghosting, ghosting is when you vanish without a trace or explanation in a situation that had been going well before.

I know, but I felt bad for just ignoring the girl.

I wouldnt class it as ghosting after a few dates.
If i had met up a couple of times with someone then they stopped messaging i wouldnt expect an explanation, neither would i necessarily be expected to have to give one. I would just assume that they wasnt feeling it and i wouldnt really give it a 2nd thought.
If i was seeing someone for a few months and we were sleeping with each other and had had the exclusive chat then yes, out of curteosy i would like (and give) a brief reasoning as to why i wanted to call it off. But not up until that point.
I think its important to be able to provide our own closure in situations and believe that if someone is into me they will match my effort levels, if not then im happy to just forget about it and move on without forcing an unneccesary conversation.
I dont see how someone ive only met a few times telling me that they dont want to see me again, or have met someone else they like more will add to my life at all. It doent change anything.

Ghosting is awful, hurtful, cowardly and just plain rude. Where's the harm in a short text to say hey i'm not feeling it.....decent thing to do imo.

Yes I agree it’s just the “right” thing to do to say “I’ve really enjoyed going out etc but I just don’t see it going any further”

Or something along those lines. I would respect that person much more and there wouldn’t be any hurt feelings on either side and we can all move on as adults.

I dunno maybe I just have a different out look on how people should treat other people, life is bloody hard enough without being made to feel like you’ve done something wrong in the dating world by being ghosted.