Would it bother you if your ex and best friend were "chatting"?

[sallyhansen32]

I feel ridiculous even posting this and I don't know why I'm bothered but here goes.
5 years ago I was seeing a guy for 6 months,started off really nice but then his true colours showed and I called it quits.

Me and my friend have been friends for over 15 years.
She only knew him to say hi to with me and had no dealings with my ex other than through me.
Only met a few times.
She sent me a screenshot of him sending her a Facebook request last night,I asked if she accepted and she did,she said that she might as well.
She said they had started talking on tinder and they've been liking each other's pics on Facebook etc.
I know it's stupid but this bothers me,not because I have any feelings for him (honestly he's vile) but she's my best friend yet she's willing to give him the time of day,when she knows he didn't treat me well.
Am I being stupid?

No, I don’t think so . She doesn’t sound as if she has any loyalty to you. Ditch her. Xx

If you’ve told her about him being a dick and she still goes there, we’ll then that’s her look out. The level of stupid displayed there by her is beyond comprehension.

Your friend is bresaking every unwritten rule. Awful behaviour from her.

It sounds as if you value your friendship more than she does.

She's not your friend

Oh what nonsense Soap! The ex is soiled goods, OP's unwanted discard. Who cares if the friend now wants to try him out? At least the friend had the courtesy to keep OP in the loop. Hopefully OP will be there to say "I told you so" and pick up the pieces afterwards!
(Misses the point)!

Can I just point out that even when your friend knows full well about his behaviour, she’s steamed in, and in six weeks she’ll be on the phone crying about him and bleating about “why this always happens to me” etc etc

You’re friend is a moron, don’t give this any more headspace.

I don't see the problem really. There's obviously no overlap, and maybe they just like each other. Maybe I'm just naive but I would be slightly weirded out by this but that would be my issue, not theirs.

I've always thought what friends shouldn't go with ex's ...and friend goes by same motto unless it's her who wants to get with the ex.
Can't control who people speak too tho so what happens happens

She's no friend.

I wouldn't ever get with any of my friends ex's. One because all of them are prats and I always thought my friends could do better than them, so why would I want the rejects? And two, even if they were a nice guy, he's my friends ex. That's a no go area. There's plenty of other guys out there, don't need ex's of friends.

The fact he's an ex of 6 months from 5 years ago shouldn't be an issue as it was ages ago. The fact she's willing to see someone who was so vile to speaks volumes though. Why would she want to give him time of day? Does she think is special so it won't happen to her? I would definitely distance myself from her.

Ugh she isn't a good friend! It doesn't matter how long it's been, when it comes to friends or best friends..thats a line you don't cross. Epecially as she knows how badly he treated you, that shows how little she really thinks of you. I'd distance myself from her tbh.

So my dsis fancied a bloke back in the day. He was 13, she was 13. I was 17. Many years later, he was 48, I went out with him. Was that wrong? ( We're still together 15 years later).

How old are you? I ask because I think if its less of an issue if you were late teens/eary 20s and are now mid-20s. A lot chages. But if you are 30 something+ then it all happened when you were very much "grown up" and it is a bit weird. Why dont you try telling her you are a bit uncomfortable with it? Or at least tell her as he treated you badly, you would rather not hear about him.

Thinking about it I actually wouldnt care if a friend started dating my ex (of 3 years) who I split with 5 years ago for being an arsehole and cheat. Meh. My only concern woud be that it would definitely trigger paranoia about whether she was doing it behind my back all those years ago. And I would have to explain that I would support her and be civil with him but dont expect me to actually support the relationship.

If he had been severely abusive, it would be very different I think. Like she was ignoring all that or didnt believe me.

Honestly....an ex of 6 months from 5 years ago, wouldn't bother me. At all.

I am interested in what his vile behaviour was and how old you are.

There's a good chance he has grown up and changed in 5 years. He could still be a cunt. But he could Have changed completely.

Yes it would bother me. I'd likely just distance myself from her though.

Of all the men on God's green earth why does it have to be your Ex. I'd be very pissed off and she'd find me not calling or interacting with her. Basically I'd ghost her.

I am on the fence. You weren't with him long and it was only for six months and it was years ago.

Unless he was abusive to you and your friend knows this, I'd just shrug.

It would bother me if it was a recent break up, if it had been a huge significant relationship (eg years long) or if my friend knew I had been crushed by the break up/thought I wasn't over it.

6 months five years ago doesn't sound like any of these things?

You dated him for 6 months, 5 years ago. Unless you are still carrying a torch for him (and it doesn't sound as though you are!) then it's not really much to be concerned about in the grand scheme of things. He may well have grown out of his cuntish behaviour and be absolutely lovely now.

I don't think the sisterhood code counts for such a brief ex relationship.

I guess people see these things differently. I wouldn't want a relationship with someone my friend just had a ONS with tbh.

Is she that desperate for attention?

I assume he friended her via your friends list? So as well as the fact that she's flirting with an ex and a tosser she's probably flirting with someone who was Facebook stalking you? She needs her bumps feeling.

So you saw him for 6 months 5 years ago? No, it’s not weird that they want to date. People can change a lot in 5 years. If it all goes pear shaped be kind to your friend.

I don't think your friend's done anything wrong really, unless you feel as if she's flaunting the online contact as opposed to just telling you about it. She could be talking to lots of people via Tinder, not planning a relationship with your ex particularly. I guess have a think about which parts of this are making you feel most uncomfortable (her general atttitude? memories of his behaviour?) and focus on dealing with those specific feelings. Obviously you can't control anyone's choices but could you have an honest conversation with your friend about how you feel?