He wonders why I'm grumpy..

[tinykirst]

Just need a rant really !

My OH has always been great , but now just gets on my nerves as he doesn't do ANYTHING (but then I've never been sleep deprived either!)

We have a 9 month old baby and I do everything. I'm always the one that has gotten up with him through the night and at 5am every morning. I am a 'morning person' so I can deal with it but it would be nice to just sleep in until 7am sometimes. Not asking for much! I've breastfed as well so I've always been the one getting up through the night (still happens some nights too, thanks teething!) The only time he has gotten up with him has been when I've already been up and struggling to get DS back to sleep.

I do ALL of the housework. I only work part time so I do expect to do the majority of it but it would be nice to have a hand. (Without having to ask) Although I left the pots for him last night and he didn't understand why I got in a mood with him because he asked me to help him do them!
He works in a school so doesn't have long days. When I am at work I work 7.30-4 in retail. And then have to do the teas, bedtime, get bags ready for the day after.. But yet when we get in he 'wants a nap' and barely even plays with our son.
I do the feeds and bedtime and everything else.

I see other women online where it basically seems the other way around and get so envious!

I also live 200 miles from my family as I moved to live in OH's hometown. So when it's just me and DS it literally is just me and DS.

Also, (I KNOW) I shouldn't but he had a night out while I visited my family over the weekend and I saw a Fb message from a girl saying 'thanks for that babe xx' ... at 4am
He then completely deleted it.
I haven't said anything because 1. I shouldn't have looked (but after being cheated on by every ex in the past it's hard to not be a little insecure) and 2. I know in my heart that it could be innocent so there's no point causing an argument over nothing. (But it is still playing on my mind at times)

I've tried to speak to him but he just gets super defensive and I don't like causing arguments. I don't want us to split up or anything, I just need to get it off my chest! The women in my family all have the same issues so I guess it's a 'man' thing.. or the men we choose at least! 😩

I just want to give you a hug. He sounds awful. Not all men are like this, it takes selfishness to be this lazy.

It’s not “causing arguments” to have a discussion about the division of labour. When you’re both home you should both be pitching in - with parenting as well as the drudge work.

And I’ve not even started on the message he received and deleted. None of it is okay and your feelings are completely justified! Something is not right and is being hidden from you. The hiding is not innocent.

I am really struggling to see what you see in him. I do remember in the early days of breastfeeding having to spell out to DH that he could still help and let me get some sleep; but once I’d done that he was more than happy to pitch in.

He is lazy, selfish and possibly cheating. You moved to be near him and now he feels you’re trapped, he’s got no reason to impress you anymore. I really would consider moving on from this relationship.

Not all men are like this. If he won’t listen and won’t change then you have two choices; stay as it is, or leave. I wish there was a magic set of words that you can say, but there isn’t.

He is like this because he is lazy, and has no respect for you. Why should he hoover/do bath time/do the laundry when you will do it for him? Why should he care that you threw a strop about it? As long as it gets done, all is fine.

That came out blunter that I thought, sorry

Thanks girls, I guess it's nice to know I'm not being unreasonable or moody for no reason!

@FYC - your message really hit home!
@tillytown - blunt but true!

The moody comment is particularly horrible when you put it in context. What he’s actually saying is:-

”You do everything, I’m too important, and if you feel weighed down by it all, and sad, then don’t let that infringe upon me either. Keep your moodiness to yourself.”

This isn't on. It wouldn't be on if you were a SAHM but you work!

Are you supposed to work night and day, losing sleep and feeling tired whilst he gets to nap and have the energy for 4am frolics with mystery OW?

Can you express milk and leave him holding the baby for a few days? You'd be able to go away for a couple of days and recharge whilst he gets a hard lesson in what you actually go through?

If he's not willing to take over 90% of everything whilst he's on his summer holiday (he owes you so more than 50/50) he's not just lazy he's a cunt.