Cinema date

[Lifesaheadache]

Have split with the kids dad but we are still stuck living together. I have told my family and some friends but he won’t tell anyone and obviously the children don’t know at the moment. He has told me he is going to the cinema tomorrow night with a guy from work but I know it’s with a female from work which he denies (I’ve seen a WhatsApp message last week when they were trying to arrange a meet up at cinema). I think if he is meeting with females then people need to know we have split up and he’s not going behind my back. I’m furious and was thinking of taking the car so he can’t go but that’s because I’m angry. How can I deal with this for my own sanity? Anyone else been in a similar position? I can’t kick him out yet as I’m currently job hunting so can’t pay the bills.

A female what? Chimpanzee, electrical outlet, human?

You've split up. He's going to date other people and so are you. Given you are currently using him financially to pay bills that you can't afford, you're not really in a position to criticise.

I don't understand. If your family and friends know, what other "people" need to be told? I can understand you not wanting his colleagues to think he is cheating on you but if they do he will be the one judged. Not you.

You’ve spilt up so I’m not sure why you need to know who he meets/shags tbh. It’s not behind your back because you are not together.

I think OP means that a few people know, and no-one in his family has been told.

Quite honestly - if he wants to start dating he should be willing to tell his family that he's split up from you.

And - can you pay the bills if he pays a decent amount of support for a while, and you claim benefits, with the idea that you'll start earning within the next 6 months? Can he move out to somewhere temporary?

Please tell me you're not still doing his housework? I think he's having his cake & eating it.

So you’ve split but expect him not to move on?

Why are you reading his messages?!?! That is wrong!!!

If you’re not together, which you aren’t, he is fully entitled to go to the cinema with whoever he likes. He also doesn’t have to tell you who he’s doing with either. You need to stop checking up on him and invading his privacy!

You aren’t together. He isn’t doing anything wrong. Don’t be petty and stop him from going by taking the car etc. That is ridiculous and if that’s how you wish to behave he’s better off without you

You don’t want to be with him but you don’t want him to move on because he is convienient for you because he pays your bills. No, that stops. Find yourself a job and gain some independence.

This post just reeks of spitefullness.

You are not together so he's entitled to go out with whomever he wants without mentioning it to you. Quickly find yourself a job, sort out benefits, kids, whatever you need to do and move on.

You won't achieve anything by delaying it.

Correct KickAssAngel I just want him to be honest with everyone and stop lying. He needs to tell his family.

I have a job interview this week and I really want the job. I can then ask him to leave and he can do as he likes then. I think I’m angry as he is having his cake and eat it and I can’t move on until he’s gone and I have to pretend everything is fine which is getting me down.

Thanks for replies anyway.

OP he's free to date and so are you. You've told your friends and family about the split, just say to him that you'd like one of you to tell his family too.

OP it really sounds like you are saying he isn't free to do as he wants until you can cover your bills, then he can fuck off.

You have split. It's up to him what he says to his family. Don't lie for him, but he will tell them when he is ready.

And stop reading his messages.

I agree with others, he's an adult he can do what he likes and doesn't need permission from you. What happens if you don't get the job, does he have to stay?

Well firstly then, stop doing anything for him.
No washing, cooking, cleaning, ironing, etc.....
Tell people.
Tell everyone.
Tell him that you will tell the DC without him if he won't agree to telling them.
Why is he delaying?
Why are you splitting up?
I'd also tell him he has until Friday to tell his family and then you are doing it.

How is he having his cake and eating it?

You aren’t together. He’s moving on.

If you’re doing all his washing etc then more fool you.

It seems as if you want him to stay away from other females until he’s no longer useful to you - ie once you get a job you’ll happily have him leave the house but until then you want him around to pay the bills but not move on?

I think it’s YOU that wants to have their cake and eat it - you don’t want to be together but you don’t want him to move on/stop paying your bills

Because he's living in the family home, pretending to all his friends & family that he's Mr Family Man, and also going on dates. So, effectively, he's got all the home comforts of a family & supporting wife, AND the freedom to 'move on' (fuck around) as much as he wants. Quite frankly - WHY is he refusing to tell anyone they're divorcing if he wants to go out on a date?

He should choose: be honest about getting divorced so he can date, or, if he wants to maintain a pretense of being married, to act like a married man.

You can’t control him or what he does. He’s free to do as he pleases.

I think you’re being ridiculous

Why is it actually anybody else business if they are divorcing?

Who said you can only date once you ensure your family know you are divorcing? Why is that part of it?

The op knows she is splitting. That's the only person who needs to know.

Yes he is still living in the family home. So is the OP. The op is happy with that while he is required to cover all the bills. Then he is she will be trying to throw him out.

She isn't a victim here.