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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Problems with Family to be

7 replies

Cantwait2marryhubby · 17/07/2018 20:12

This is my first time posting on here. My partners mum is elderly and just been diagnosed with dementia and has been poorly for the last few years me and h2b has been helping her getting extra carers in etc taking her to appointments and now all of a sudden her other children have stepped in and trying to take over. When we have asked for help in the past etc with her mental health declining etc they haven’t bothered or even visited her until now. I went to mil2b today to take her to an appointment and future sil refused for me to take her and said mil is to poorly to take to an important mental health appointment. The whole time I was there the sil ignored me and treated me like I was s**t on her shoe. Sil is not happy that mil wants me and hubby to be her power of attorneys as we both know she doesn’t want to go into a home (wants to stay where she is and die at home). Mil is concerned her daughter is going to bad mouth me to others. When all I want is best for mil. Btw I’ve been a carer for the elderly (end of life) and those with neurological diseases for over 10years I still care for ppl with neuro diseases so that they can stay home and pass at home. How do I deal with a jealous sil ???

OP posts:
Lovethesun100 · 17/07/2018 21:07

I would leave it to immediate family to deal with decisions and appointments. Try and spend quality time with MIL2b having a cuppa and a chat Brew Difficult with families Flowers

NotTheFordType · 17/07/2018 22:12

"hubby"?

This isn't your family. Let them sort things for themselves. If your fiance wants to fight family battles then let him get on with it.

User1011 · 18/07/2018 01:38

There probably some inheritance worries from the family.
Probably best to leave it to them if you want to get on with them in the future.

Monty27 · 18/07/2018 01:41

It's all about the money, money said someone in a song..

MUjunkie · 18/07/2018 02:54

Fuck whether you are married or not! I was with my exp for 8 years, 6 of which we looked after MIL ...his sister's came nowhere near! In the last few weeks before she died his sis turned up wanting to play the doting daughter! After she died she didn't answer the phone for 2 weeks so I arranged and planned the funeral, as my partner couldn't face it...then his sis finally surfaced on the day of the funeral, blanked me, and proceeded to tell everyone I took over her mums funeral!

Just because you are not married OP it doesn't mean it's nothing to do with you! I know my mil wanted me to look after her and sort things so thats what I did (obviously my partner knew and agreed). So if thats what she wants from you, and your partner knows it, then you two do what SHE wants! X

Cantwait2marryhubby · 18/07/2018 09:07

Thank you MUjunkie you seem to understand where I’m coming from.

Yes she may not be my mum and I’m not married to her son yet our wedding is only 8months away but she is family to me. She has been part of my life for 4 years and in those 4 years h2bs mum hasn’t had any visits from her other children until now so all care etc has been me and my partner only even though we did ask family to help out considering we live 30miles away and they live around the corner. What hurt me the most was yesterday was the first time I met future sil and she treated me like dog crap on her shoe and refused for me to take her mum to an important doc appointment and refused to take her her self. So tell me now where I should back off ( like some of you have) and leave the uninterested family members to take over when they don’t know all her medical history or care needs.

OP posts:
averythinline · 18/07/2018 09:15

You sound very caring and I cant beleive SIL wouldnt take her to appointment but.....this is a btte for your DP not you....even if you were married I dont think it would be different......but it is his family not yours - you dont know why the other members have not been involved before maybe they are just lazy gits maybe your dp was always the favourite....

all you can do is support himin this .... ignore sil etc if you are there talk to MIL and do the cuppa stuff - let them step up and manage the care /sort it out with DP...its their mum..not yours

maybe you came across as bossy and know it all even if you mean well and you n dp have picked up the graft until now

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