Struggling with Facebook flirting

[sunflowergarden]

I'm in a bit of a pickle today and need to get it out my system, so my fella and I have been together for 18mths.
It was his bday at the weekend and obviously people wished him a happy birthday on fb. as I was having a nose I was drawn (dont ask me why, am I a witch) to a birthday message, nothing on towards... so I had a snoop at her page and this time last year in June , my partner is writing under her profile picture what lovely eyes she has.. and on a few she seems to change them daily he would comment the big emoji of heart eyes, it's made me feel like shit to be honest, he's rarely liked and not commented since then , but because we were very much together then it's made me feel pants , I've spoken to him he said it was harmless and he'd never do anything to upset me and wouldn't comment now on woman's posts but my debate is what's different just a year down the line really ... he feels crap for it and has called and text all day to see if I'm ok , he said he can't bare the thought of loosing me, which I'm not that ridiculous over a comment however it has made me feel crap, because it just would not enter my head to 'flirt '?? what are your thoughts x

If it was over a year ago presumably you two weren't together very long and maybe not totally committed yet so maybe I'd let it go this time (assuming he's not done anything like that since?)

It's tricky OP. As you were together at the time it kind of negates anything he was telling you at the time in my experience. I was seeing a guy who was telling me all sorts of wonderful things about how he adored me...but then months down the line I saw similar to what you found on his Facebook so I knew what he was telling me was BS at the time.

I suppose it depends how far into the relationship you were when he was doing it. Were you sleeping together/exclusive or was it earlier than that? He may have been hedging his bets if it was still very early days.

Thank you for your posts , in answer to that yes we were in a physical relationship in April 17 and these comments were put up in June 17. I'm swinging both ways on it as it's not as if I've found the comments on his fb account it's comments under her profile picture which is public.. so it's not as if it's been hidden, god only knows what is on her actual account he said I can look if I want but I said no thank you , I'm not getting into the habit of stalking and basically tormenting myself. He is a very happy man that is everyone's 'friend ' and he said the comments wasn't because he was trying to get in her knickers it was purely innocent, but if a guy had written that under mine I would think he's fishing , is it me am I making a mountain out of mole hill, ?? I adore him and I want to be able to get past this empty gut feeling I've got, I deactivated my account today so I won't keep looking. I am a sensitive person and I'm deep so I do t know if it's me reading into it and getting my knickers in a stew , I looked past that date and nothing ... so was it just a few pics of innocence or was he testing the water??

I dated a guy like that maybe 10 years ago. He had comments on loads of girls photos, he must have been a proper flirt. I didn't like it. We broke up after 2 years. He shouldn't have been doing it while dating you, he should have been smitten with you only (especially in those early days!)

OP it might be worth getting some male opinions. I wouldn't like it either. To me it's definitely flirtation, whether he'd have pursued her if she had been interested who knows.

He's with you now though and sounds committed, so I'd be tempted to draw a line under it and keep your concerns private, tell him you trust him but be vigilant in case there s anything further in future.

So girls... I read your messages before he came round and I'm not one to be able to hide my feelings I go very quiet, I sat him down and basically said I'm hurt that he felt the need to comment in the content he did. So basically he said (which he 'did' ) is a happy person, as I said before he is very well known here for 'what a great guy he is' he's always been happy go lucky and only had two partners all his life, the reason I know that is because he is a friend of the family for many years... he said he realises now how it looks and it's made him question himself, but never did he have the intention to test the waters or see if a door could be open, I then kindly pointed out that she is 31 and he is 50 and older enough to be her father , I had to get that in because I want him to feel a little bit how I feel. I'm 37 so he's not got himself a bad catch! He ended up saying the thought of loosing what we have and we do have a fantastic relationship, we have fun, we talk , we can be serious , we've not once had a falling out at all in the 18mths, I feel he is my soul mate and I absolutely adore him, and he constantly shows love back in return. This isn't about fb as I can take it or leave it but every post he's put up in the last year is of us and profile pics, so that brings me to now think if he wanted others doors open then he wld play his cards close to his chest and not show the fb world our happiness , he was near on in tears when I said I'll do my best to not let this eat at me, he said I promised you I'd never hurt you and I have ... he generally appears gutted and bad ... however he still shouldn't have fecking done it!! I have said to him if he feels he can write things like that again he is with the wrong woman, i think having just typed this I realise what he is to me , I'm 99.9% sure this was a male idiotic moment and had it have been this year I'd have had his nuts in a vice , so I'll try my best to put it to bed, but I will not be made to feel this way again... thanks girls you've really helped x