Really upset, anxiety.

[Catherine0201]

I have anxiety and I am off work due to this as it has got worse since I had my miscarriages. Me and my partner are not currently living together and are young (20&21) so this has been a lot for both of us. We have been together over a year and a half. Me and my partner had a massive row on Sunday and during that row he made a comment saying maybe we aren’t compatible as we’ve had a number of arguments past few weeks. I was thrown back by this and was upset. He came to me an hour later and was being all nice giving me a hug and wanting to make up. After this I left his house and he went out with his friends. Since then he has seemed very distant with me, I’ve been basically living at his family home as I get on well with his sisters and they come round most days. He suggested yesterday on the phone that he needs alone time and that we see each other maybe once a week. I know he’s had stress at work which may contribute to his low mood but he seems to be very off with me since our argument, even in the way he texts me, it’s just not the same. As I mentioned before I suffer with anxiety so this has made me feel so uneasy. I haven’t been able to eat for 2 days and I just feel really down as I can’t help but think he doesn’t want to be with me. How do I calm myself down? I genuinely feel so low, I know I need to back off him so I’m doing so but ruining my mental health in the process because I’m panicking of worst case scenario.

He mentioned earlier this morning when he text me they he wasn’t in a general bad mood and that it might be something in particular was bothering him. Of course this spun me into panic as I no I think I am the issue

Can you go to your own house? You need to go home and not be at his family home.

In the nicest way - He has told you he wants to reduce contact with you - he's allowed to want that. You can't argue him into wanting to spend more time together.

What are you going to change in order to respect his wishes and reduce contact with him?

Do you have friends or family that you can chat to?

@donkeyplease yeah I have came home and in regards to him I’m only speaking when spoken to if that makes sense, I’ve spoke to my friends and they say I’ve really got no choice but to leave him to it, I just don’t like keeping a distance because it makes me anxious. I get paranoid thinking why would he not want to spend time with me? But when he speaks to me I’m very much playing it cool, he has no idea how upset this has made me. He called me earlier and was a bit less blunt but I can’t shake this negative feeling about things. Just need to try distract myself I guess

As hard as it is you need to take a step back

You are so young. I’m only in my mid/late 20s and couldn’t imagine going through this.

It’s not healthy to be around each other all the time. You BOTH need your own space and it’s probably a good idea if you do go back home. Living at his family home isn’t the same as if you were both living together in your own home which is why he probably feels smothered. I’d need my own space too

Nobody on here can tell you what he’s thinking. But you’ve only been together a year and a half and it all just sounds very intense

Take a step back. Make time for YOURSELF and enjoy seeing friends. Don’t make him your be all and end all. Dont let him call all the shots. Whilst I agree you need time apart, seeing each other once a week wouldn’t go down well with me either. What’s his plan, work and see his friends all week and spend 1 day with you?? Nah, not enough effort imo

You are awfully young to be going through all this angst, OP. At 20 or 21, you should be out having fun, travelling, finding out who you are, dating different people.
It seems way to soon to be trying to have children with a partner who doesn’t even sound ready or committed to you.
Can you take a step back from this intense drama and think about what you really want from life, and where you’d like to be in five years time, in terms of your career and friendships?