Husband and Instagram ‘friend’

[LanceStatersGold]

Backstory: DH and I have been living separately whilst we worked through some issues but have decided that we want to stay together. I’m not even sure it’s relevant but thought it may help avoid any drip feeds.

He has a successful Instagram account (not quite influencer but well respected /great engagement etc).

As I work with a foot in that field I help him to manage it eg it’s logged in on my phone and I continued to do so during us living apart at his request.

At the beginning of the year he met a woman (via his hobby) who immediately added him on Facebook and followed him on instagram. I did mention to him the speed at which she did this was something I found uncomfortable (more so the FB). I just knew she was going to be trouble.

She is messaging him on Instagram daily (at least five times I’d say) and immediately if there’s a post it story added.

A few weeks ago (when we’d already made the decision that we were staying together) she messaged to ask if he’d like to go for a drink as she’d heard we were no longer together and he replied along the lines of don’t know what you’ve heard but not true so no thanks.

She’s still messaging constantly, mainly about the hobby they share, but with occasional ‘we could just meet as friends’. He very rarely replies to any of her messages and has been ignoring all of the ones asking to meet/any asking anything remotely personal.

I’ve told him (from a personal and professional perspective) that he should just block her.

He wants me to send a message myself along the lines of ‘just so you know this profile is co-managed by xx and we see all correspondence’ plus something about the being in a committed marriage. I think this will just make the problem worse and that she should just be blocked.

I’m not worried about him being interested at all. I’ve seen absolutely everything that’s ever been communicated between them and he has already deleted her from
FB because I pointed out I wasn’t happy with not real friends seeing anything he posted about our child.

I feel absurd about the whole thing. She’s 23 to our 32 and I just think what is this nonsense? I’ve had to manage such situations previously but never on a personal level.

So, wise ladies of MN do I just block her or does she ‘deserve’ a message?

Does he reply to each of her messages?

Sorry, have just re-read.

I think he should message in reply to her drinks requests at least once more and make it clear it’s not appropriate. If she does t get the message then block

Block! No question about it.

I think he should write something like:

I feel really uncomfortable about the quantity and nature of your messages and feel as though I'm being harassed. I think you ought to know that this account is managed by both my partner and me, and we can each see what you're saying. The reason I haven't replied to so many of your messages is because I find them intrusive. I have told you I don't want to meet up and won't change my mind on this. Because of all of this, I'm going to block you. Please don't try to contact me again.

I think I’m being over cautious about mentioning my involvement in case she thinks that I’m concerned/feeling insecure as that couldn’t be further from the truth. But I like the essence of that message.

Thank you!

Fair play to your husband, he’s dealt with it in a calm and open manner, most women would kill for that kind of transparency.

If I were your husband, I’d actually be savage that having told her no once she’s carried on. I’m afraid my next message to her would not be polite, and it would be final. End of.

It has annoyed him immensely. More so because he was worried it would make me question his loyalty. He’s not even sure how she knows we were living apart so it was all a bit weird.

I’ve written a message along the lines of hollow’s and will send it when she next messages (don’t want her to think we’re giving her headspace) and will block once we know it’s been read.

Good call. Sounds like you’re both working as a team already

I'd just block her. I have absolutely no issue in blocking people on my instagram for various reasons. I don't even explain why, I just block them. She is just ignoring your OH in saying he's not interested, clearly not taking no for an answer, so blocking her will hopefully make the message sink in.

Why doesn't he just delete and block her? That's what I do with annoying people. Simple really.

I think it’s better for you not to message her. Just block and delete - I think that makes things pretty clear in itself.