Lost my mojo

[PookieDo]

Sorry I know not exactly relationships but I don’t know where else to post this

Am single mum, Work full time job and a few extra hours in another job

My job is so horribly stressful at present I hate being here, just want to go home. I am under so much pressure and I just complain about it but nothing very constructive can happen to help (or no one cares 😂)

I’ve had a stressful year with medical issues and splitting up with my boyfriend. I worry about my health a lot and not sure whether stress/anxiety is making me feel ill

I am just so drained and fed up. I feel like all I do is complain to my friends so they are bored of me, there is no support but I don’t blame them. I have probably brought it on myself and maybe I am not a good friend in return. I have tried with them.

Too drained for dating
Never get a break
Family are either swamped themselves or useless (parents)
Kids are teens but very needy
Work is stressful
Need money so have to work a lot
Studying to better our lives too
Ex is no help at all

I feel like everyone wants/takes something from me in all parts of my life and I never get anything back so I am depleted. And sad

OP, it sounds like you are searching for your validation from other people instead of from yourself. If your friends and family are being crap about your birthday, you should do something nice for you regardless. Buy yourself a gift (doesnt have to be extravagant), go somewhere you love (can be free, like art gallery or park or beach). Be kind to yourself. That doesn't have to cost money. If your DC are being typical unenthusiastic teens about your birthday, go out and leave them to it. In this and in general you need to create some tiny opportunities for positives in your life. Nobody else can do this for you. It is within your control but because you are so fed up you understandably don't feel that it is. Sometimes it is not possible to change how things are and what other people do but it is possible to work to change your own outlook and choose to see the glass half full. What good things have happened today or yesterday? However teeny tiny and however gigantic the pile of negative crap is next to the teeny tiny good things. What are the good things?

Im a bit resentful. I do actually make a point of buying myself something I like on my own birthday and have done for years

I put money in people’s cards, go out of my way, always helping my bloody mother out, always drop things to help friends and family (especially my own kids) but when it comes to me I feel invisible. I think people assume I don’t need or want anything, and I am a giver not a taker. Recently I am all ‘giver-ed’ out so I have become a shit friend. And no one has really noticed! I need new friends I think 😂

Re my ‘big’ birthday I am going to book something and go away when the time comes, if DD1 doesn’t want to come I will just go somewhere with DD2 (who will want to go)

There is a big part of me which accepts kids are selfish and I don’t resent them. They know I love them and love isn’t about getting anything in return. But love/friendship isn’t about draining and depleting someone and then just forgetting about them either is it?

The older I get the less I give a crap about being a people pleaser

I am confused. In your OP you said you have constantly moaned to your friends and they have probably had enough but now you say you have made all the effort and they make none?

Again I don't mean to be unkind but every time anyone posts on this thread and encourages you to look at ways you could improve things you ignore it and come back with more negativity. It is quite passive aggressive to do stuff for other people but resent them for it. Have you actually talked to any of your friends or family and explained how you feel and asked for support?

It does sound confusing
I think what has happened is like I said in OP I have had a shit year - everything shit seemed to happen at once

Whereas before I was bumbling along ok, happy and trying to be a good friend, when I have hit the shit times I feel really alone. I wonder if I have moaned too much, because they are ignoring me pretty much and I feel uncomfortable asking them now (too long has passed) so am assuming that the change in dynamic has probably ended friendships.

My biggest problem is really my family (not kids). My parents. They are soul destroyingly blood sucking needy mother fuckers and if you are an adult child with parents like this you would probably be upset when they don’t even acknowledge your birthday (or your kids birthdays)

I said I feel a bit better after my first OP and am trying to do a lot of what I have been advised

Also I have said the good things maybe you missed them:

I love my kids and love being at home with them
I know I am working towards a better life for us all even though it’s hard right now working 2 jobs
I’m working on eating better, looking after my health, drinking less
I’m going to go on holiday for my 40th with my DC
I do nice things for myself/buy myself gifts

Bad shit:
I broke up with my rubbish boyfriend and have found that hard and I’m still angry about him
I had serious health problems during which time no one helped me
I have been though a very turbulent year with Work (budget cuts, threat to job, work overload)
I helped a parent through a bereavement, putting my kids, job and health to one side when they needed me (only for them to act like a complete piece of shit afterwards)
I babysit for family members frequently to help them
I feel like I’m not part of anyone’s team, I’m not important or valued by anyone

So you have had a shit year and moaned a lot to your friends and by your own admission in an earlier post been very negative and probably not and great friend yourself in the past year and you feel like they have drifted away from you but you have made no attempt to talk to them about it? Maybe they are just shit friends, I don't know. But reading between the lines this sounds like maybe you have stopped communicating with your friends and have just moaned at them and at some point if that goes on indefinitely most people would drift off. If someone posted here and said my friend is always negative and shows no interest in my stuff, they would probably be advised to let the friendship drift. I suppose it depends if they were good friends before. If these are longstanding friendships that were good before then maybe it would be worth trying to talk to them. What have you got to lose? If they don't respond well (or at all) then you would be in the same position you are now but with a clearer view that it's time to make some new friends.

Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore the positives. Well done for doing those. It is very hard when you're feeling so fed up I know.

Why are you angry at your ex if you broke up with him and he was rubbish anyway?

Your family situation sounds hard. Sometimes I think we just have to accept things are never going to be the way we wish they were with certain people and do whatever we need to do to protect ourselves. It is really shit that your parents don't acknowledge your birthday. Have you called them out on it? It does sound like maybe you need to stop helping people who are not willing to make any effort with you (be they friends or family) and create some healthier boundaries for yourself. Start saying no.

They were long standing friends and not all of them are Postitive Polly’s themselves to be frank. On one hand I don’t blame them, the other I am deep down pissed off with them. If there is to be any friendship a confrontation won’t help, I just need to act like nothing happened and reinstate the status quo and maybe things will be ok

I didn’t actually initially tell some of my friends about all of my shit year. I knew they had their own crap going on. But when I did tell them they said oh dear that’s crap and then it has gone pretty silent so I gather they are not interested

I am angry at ex as he was a contributing factor to this unsupported feeling I have. Because he didn’t ‘get’ it, he was all eye rolling and frankly a dick. I never had it out with him because I ended it and wiped him out of my life - didn’t think a confrontation would be constructive but then that leaves you feeling seething and frustrated I suppose!

Parents are just pathetic. I detest them. It’s a bit outing but DF basically has reinvented himself suddenly after he was bereaved and expects everyone to switch from scared he might kill himself to travelling hundreds of miles to make him look like a fantastic DF and GF to his new partner WHILST not acknowledging my fucking birthday or my kids fucking birthday and I am RAGING