Sorry this is so long.
I’m 49. I’ve been with my partner for 8 years. We are not married. Sadly no children.
Here’s some facts – without any emotion.
Finances: We earn approximately the same amount. He owns his own house outright (mortgage paid). He has slept in his house for over 5 years. We both travel for work (2-3 nights per week) but he is based at my house when not away for work. I’m doing OK with my own mortgage – still have about 7 -8 years left which is fine. I pay all the bills in my house I do not have any financial contribution from him. I’ve suggested that we have a pool of money for shared expenses like phone/internet/sky/electricity and so on, but he has not been willing to do this. I also buy the majority of the shared items e.g. cleaning stuff etc.
Sex – no sex for the last 5 years. He has no intest, but he does like porn. But I’m not & have never been a looker, but hopefully I’m not repulsive, am fairly fit/slim, and look OK for my age. Buy no way can I compete with porn stars.
Here are some things that are annoying – but mainly because its on top of everything else:
Meanness – at times he can be mean. A petty example I know, is on around last valentines day, he tripped up in the bedroom first thing in the morning (I was in a very deep sleep) so I woke up to him groaning ahh I fell, I banged my foot etc – but he seemed OK and went out to work. He was furios that I hadn’t woken earlier to be more sympathetic & as punishment said well no valentines present for you (even thought I had got him one). Now it is 0% about the present, and 100% about the mindset that bothers me.
Messy – he is definitely messy, little help is given in the house, I’m beyond sick of picking up dirty plates, washing etc. however by itself this would not really be a showstopper.
When we got together he said he wanted children, but sadly (not his fault) nature didn’t play along. When I tried to get fertility treatment he wouldn’t support this – and the hospital we were refused to refused to see me without my partner. (that’s another story)
He has no interest in going out – ever.
Here is some good stuff:
Nice to have company in the house.
We will go on holiday & we have a nice holiday once a year.
We do have a laugh/banter & I'm fond of him.
Now here’s how I feel – no logic at all:
I feel incredibly sad to think that this is it, no more sex, ever, if I say with him,
I feel a bit sad to think that after all this time we can’t make a commitment to each other - but perhaps that is just as well.
I feel taken advantage of finically.
I’m frustrated with myself that I can’t drum up the courage to leave.
I’m afraid that my expectations are way to high & this is as good as it gets.
I wonder if I should put up and shut up – or make a break – and if I do who the hell would want a non-pretty 49 year old. Maybe I am being completely unrealistic and this is as good as it gets.