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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sudden Violence

21 replies

Hillry · 28/05/2007 23:46

Regular user with a name change.

Been with my partner for around 8 months, don't live together yet but are seriously talking about it.

Anyway I've been trying to organise him a suprise birthday party, this has mostly been done over text message to friends etc. Earlier on my phone went off...a text message...so I answered it quickly incase it was about the party. DP asked "who was that?" and I replied "just a friend.." so he tried to grab the phone off me I snatched it back and he went ballistic, shot up from where he was sitting and grabbed me around the neck and pushed me against the wall demanding to see the phone, I don't know why I didnt just give him it but instead I tried to get his hands off my throat as he was hurting me and he took this as me refusing to let him see the phone and he hit me across the face with the back of his hand and then came at me again while I was on the floor, I threw the phone away from me hoping he'd leave me and just go for the phone but he didn't, by this point he was so infuriated he kept on at me screaming in my face and slapping me.

He eventually grabbed his keys and stormed out saying he won't be taken for a ride and I've not spoken to him since.

I'm in total shock, we were not even arguining when he erupted. I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just wanted to write it down.

OP posts:
madamez · 29/05/2007 00:13

Don't move in with this man. Don't try to contact him, wait for him to make the first move and make your next meeting in a public place. And, unless he gets some kind of counselling or anger management training, don't see him again.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but that was a dreadful, violent assault, and a serious one for the first time it's happened.
I'm sorry you had to suffer such a ghastly experience.

hunkermunker · 29/05/2007 00:15

Don't move in with him.

Don't see him again until he agrees to have - hang on, have just read madamez's response and it's the same as what I want to say!

You poor thing - must've been a heck of a shock.

warthog · 29/05/2007 00:18

end things now. if this is what he's like after 8 months and for something so trivial, it'll only get worse.

TigerFeetFormerlyCheesyFeet · 29/05/2007 00:21

oh poor you

agree with madamez

even more scary because it was so unexpected - if he had shown flashes of anger then perhaps you could have seen this behaviour coming

sounds like he also has trust issues which he needs to sort out before entering a serious relationship

good luck

sandcastles · 29/05/2007 00:22

Agree with everyone else....

Please do not think about moving in with him anymore...see this as a warning sign & either he gets anger management or you go your sep ways.

nally · 29/05/2007 00:27

really for you. what a shit!
agree with everyone else
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

RosaLuxembourg · 29/05/2007 00:27

When did this happen - tonight? You must be in shock. I would seriously consider calling the police - you need to have this logged at the very least. Is there a friend you can get to come round and stay with you tonight for support?
In the long term, not that you probably need to be told this but - OK so you have wasted 8 months of your life on this lowlife, but at least you know what he is capable of now, before he moves in with you. End it now. Don't take him back whatever he promises or however much he crawls to you - it can only get worse.

KerryMum · 29/05/2007 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sossy · 29/05/2007 00:37

8 months is nothing. If you have any sense you'll end it now while it's still easy to do so. (Ten years down the line is harder)

And remember, when he comes grovelling back to you, ever so sorry, and he's promising it wont happen again....it will. Best of luck.

KerryMum · 29/05/2007 00:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jules99 · 29/05/2007 00:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jules99 · 29/05/2007 00:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fussymummy · 29/05/2007 01:17

This sounds so like what happened to my friend earlier tonight.
He called me to say that his wife of 12 years had jumped on him, and started to attack him.
She was punching and hitting him and he couldn't get her off, so in self defence he hit her with a glass! (nearest thing to hand)
She ends up with blood on her face.

He then says he's waiting for the police that she called, to arrest him!!!

Shouldn't she be the one getting arrested?

Poor bloke was in such a state when he called.

Its not just the women who go through this sort of thing.

I've told him to leave her, as they're always fighting and thats not the way to live.

If i was in a relationship like this, no way would i stay, wouldn't even consider it.

LoveAngel · 29/05/2007 11:16

Get the fuck out and count yourself lucky you've had a lucky escape. Eight months in...he's starting to let is guard slip and show you his true colours, obviously. And he's a bastard.

lillypie · 29/05/2007 11:26

if a stranger attacked you in this way you wouldn't hesitate to report it to the police.i agree with loveangel get the fuck out NOW!!

hellobello · 29/05/2007 16:45

If you need any info about domestic violence, look up Womensaid website. It makes it quite clear what dv is, and that the man (usually) is in control unless they are mad and they will do it again. Get out ASAP and don't look back. I was beaten as a child by a violent father. It's not worth it. It will destroy your life. Sorry to be so blunt.

sarah7777 · 29/05/2007 20:36

Even if he sensed something was going on-behind his back-even if he has known that something was secret-there is never-ever-any excuse for what he did.This is not what the love of your life does to you.Do not move in with him.Do not be talked into forgiving him.It was his fault only.its a taste of things to come-consider you have had a very lucky escape.I would also discuss it with your local police-just to put them in the picture.

Ripeberry · 30/05/2007 09:29

Leave him straight away, he'll think its because you have someone on the side.
Bet this is why he exploded, all these secretive phone calls must have wound him up to breaking point.
He has shown his true colours and will NEVER change, they never do.
He must be very insecure individual and he thinks he can control you with violence.
If you move in with him he may just get worse, don't fall for the apologies either its just the start of a slippery slide down to abuse.
If he has half a brain and is decent he'll understand why you'll leave him.
Never give these types a chance, they drag everyone down with them.
AB

glitterfairy · 30/05/2007 09:42

Agree with everything everyone else has said. DO not contact him and report him to the police they are very very good in these situations.

kimi · 30/05/2007 09:44

Contact EVERYONE you invited to his surprise party and tell them the party is off as he is a woman beating piece of shit.

Report him to the police and stay the hell away from him.

If has has done this once he WILL do it again, and again and again.

[if you have big brothers get them to "have a quite word" with him]

jalopy · 30/05/2007 12:20

That was a lucky escape. Leave him.

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