Found out boyfriend is bi curious/ sexual

[lonelylou09]

Hi this is my first time so hope u do. This right.
So bit of background I joined a dating site last year and matched with a guy. We chatted for over 6 months before meeting because we lived an hour apart.
He was honest with me from the start that he had a strange past involving swinger things and group sex stuff.
I was taken back but he said he hadn't done anything with men and wasn't gay and he had no interest in that anymore as it had affected him badly.
I was also worried I woukdnt be enough for him but totally fell for his blantent honesty.
Yes very caring, attentive, affectionate. My friends like him, and we soon ended up dating and he changed his relationship status on Facebook but wouldn't name me.
I did question this and he said he didn't want people meddling and spoiling things also he is in the process of getting a divorce so he didn't want to upset his ex.
I wasn't very happy about this but I let it go.
He had a bit of a wobble a couple of months in when I went away for a week. He was drinking a lot and I couldn't get hold of him on the phone.
So I suspected something or someone had happened as he was different with me when I was back although he denied anything had happened and just said he wasn't sure how he felt as things had gone so fast.
So few months later and all is pretty much good but I've always had this suspicion that he was hiding something. A few weeks ago he went through my phone one night and said he was upset I talk to my ex a lot even though we split up over 5 years ago and are just friends.
So yes I did the silly thing when given the opportunity to go through his phone also.
So I found out he had seen someone else while I was away but even worse I found out that days ago he joined a swinger website and made himself a profile and was talking dirty to a man, saying he woukd meet him for sex.
I have confronted hun about it this morning but it was bad timing as he was leaving to go away for a week.
He did say he didn't know why he did it and is just curious about men. He was really upset as this has happened before and his ex used it against him, blackmailing him.
I just don't know what to do now. It doesn't change my feelings for him but I wonder if I'm just being a complete idiot to think we can move on from this.

Afraid I vote for complete idiot.
He has lied and lied, AND he has cheated already. Stop listening to what comes out his mouth and start judging his actions. The two do not match. By a mile!
Your feelings for him are going to lead to misery and pain! If he had been honest from the start about still swinging, being bi and meeting other people for sex the minute you're away would you have developed these feelings for him? Cos this is who he really is. The guy with the charming words is not him!

Oh and it's happened to him before with his ex, so this isn't new behaviour. It's him.

And he went through your bloody phone. Ffs. Then you went through his. Wtf.

I would get checked for STD`s and end this relationship.

That’s a lot of drama for a relatively short relationship. You’ve been together for about 5 months and chatted for 6 before that. I’m afraid it’s not going to get any better anytime soon.

That isn’t being bi-curious, that’s called being a cheating asshole. I would say I am ‘bi-curious’ in the sense that I’ve had experiences with other women in the past. I’ve also done swinging in past relationships. But that has no baring at all on how committed I am in my current relationship. I’ve been with my dh for 10 years and I’ve never cheated on anyone ever and never would, man or woman. There’s nothing about being attracted to a variety of people that makes someone more likely to cheat, but being a dickhead does. I would classify what he’s doing as cheating. It’s gone well beyond fantasy now.

let him explore his sexuality on his own time - you need to move on xx

He says he bi-curious. Do you honestly think he'll be able to contain this curiosity in a life-long relationship with you?
I don't know. And you may be comfortable with whatever the answer is. Just be clear on what you're getting into.

Thanks for the responses. I guess it's just a case of battling myself against my head and my heart. He said he hasn't cheated as in he hasn't met anyone for sex. The girl I found out about when I went away he met for a few drinks.. Yes I know I can't believe he would be telling the truth although I have considered asking her what happened.
As for the messages on singers website to the man.. I knew he was bi curious from the outset and he said he was drunk and just chatting and fantasising with no intention of actually meeting anyone.
But yes it's early on for so much drama and he is very erratic at the best of times.

So you dont think a health check is warranted??

Cut your losses while you're ahead. This won't end well. Personally, I'd be tempted to reach out to the ex-wife and get her thoughts on why the relationship ended.

This isn't really to do with being bisexual. He sounds like he just wants to continue having casual sex not be in a commited relationship. Get rid.

Christ, he likes to play the victim too - his ex found out that he did this to her too, but he’s the victim because she blackmailed him? Yeah, sure she did...

He’s a liar and a cheat. I think he wants a relationship with a woman, whilst fucking men, and possibly other women on the side. Don’t settle for that.

just chatting and fantasising with no intention of actually meeting anyone.

I'm afraid this is what they all say. Have a look at some posts on here where women have found details of prostitutes on their men's phones.

Every single one of them was 'just curious and set up the meet with no intention of actually going through with it.'

He's going to cheat. And then, somehow, blame you.

Him being bisexual is totally irrelevant. Hes got a brain, right? Im bisexual- it doesnt make you cheat on people. How is chatting to a man about fucking him any different to chatting to a woman? It isnt. Dump his ass.

Pretty much same thing happened to me, I found out he had been on swinger sites and speaking to men about meeting up for sex etc. I was traumatised and didn't believe he hadnt done anything so immediately went for an STI test, all was ok but was better to be safe than sorry. You should do the same.
I forgave him but 2 years later the same thing happened again. If he has these urges they will continue to return, I wasted too long and found this out the hard way. Don't waste your life with someone like this

He's cheated. Doesn't matter if it's a woman or man. He's lied over and over and wants sex with other people.

just chatting and fantasising with no intention of actually meeting anyone.

I'm afraid this is what they all say. Have a look at some posts on here where women have found details of prostitutes on their men's phones.

I agree. And I guarantee you - absolutely guarantee it - that he's already acted on those fantasies.

just chatting and fantasising with no intention of actually meeting anyone.

Same old story. He's bisexual and won't admit it.

He was like this with his EX too.

I'd be done with him for being a cheater.