is my marriage dead?

[Pantinker]

ok.. so i have been with my DH for 20 years married 14. In this time he has been great and also a total shit. when i was pregnant with our first child he started an ongoing addition to sex chat lines and proceeded to run up massive bills. However during this time he would also at times be lovely and kind to me and our child and so i let myself ignore it.. whilst it chipped away at the trust i had for him. Since then we have been through many things had another child, he has took time off work sick etc etc to watch football and joined and online dating app which flashed up on his phone in the night. But still he can be very kind and promised to try. 2 years on i have lost 2 significant family members and another is battling cancer. I have had some attention from another guy that has made me think.. but for obvious reasons i have took that no where. He also goes to the pub every day and and smokes weed...but like i say he is nice in the evening.. but i am feeling increasingly i want more then this from life??? He also does nothing to help whilst i work 2 jobs ...am i a total idiot doormat?

Yes you are. Yes mostly crap, bad, lazy, unfaithful, a cocklodger with the odd hint of being a normal human being. Ditch him like a hot potato.

It sounds like your bar for what you consider 'kind' is set very very low indeed.

You can do a hell of a lot better than this

Having no bloke would be a 100% improvement for a start

well we had a talk last night. I told him I was not happy and not willing to waste my life on him any longer. I suggested marriage counselling which he refused and said he needed to move out..which again he said he wouldn't. He said it would kill him to be away from me and the kids and i told him he doesn't have to be away from the kids just me to give me some time to think. he said he will stop smoking, and cut down to going out twice a week and basically be more involved. I told him this is his last chance and if i don't see some real lasting improvements I want to split up. I have his mum on my side for support and all my friends. And now he cant stand up and say he didn't know anything was wrong because I brutally honest with him and he said he has been lazy and stupid. I don't hold out much hope.....

Neither do I. Have you put a time limit on it so you are not flogging a dead horse with no end in sight ?

honestly no as i don't think it will even get that far.. i expect a couple of weeks to pass and he will revert. I just feel like this is a stepping stone to the end. He was so sad and contrite and to be honest i felt very little.