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Original poster

No sex please, you're pregnant

11 replies

bumpnohump · 28/05/2007 21:39

My dh and I have a long history of sex problems i.e we didn't do it for years basically, and the one time we did it in about 5 years I got pregnant with my dd. In the last 2 months we were really on the way to sorting it out, had been having sex, enjoying it, feeling intimate and close again. Now I'm pregnant. We are both over the moon about this fact, as we did want another baby, and tbh, it was one of the main driving forces behind really making the effort to sort out the problems. Obviously, in a ideal world, we should have stalled trying for a baby, used contraception, and just got our sex life back on track completely, but we didn't. Now, I know my dh is squeamish about sex during pregnancy. We haven't done it since I found out, and in fact not for a couple of weeks before that due to me being ill with a bug, but now time is passing and I'm starting to feel like it might be slipping away again and I don't know what to do... I am nowhere near the 'bump' stage of pregnancy, despite my stupid name, but I know that when I am, my dh will scamper off in the opposite direction (if he hasn't already ) What can I do!?

OP posts:
teafortwoandtwofortea · 28/05/2007 21:47

Funny name hiding a hurtful problem?

Do you have issues talking about sex, hence the humour in the name? My suggestion would be that you need to tell your DH how you feel and about your worries. If he loves you (sounds like you do love eachother), he will listen.

Original poster
bumpnohump · 28/05/2007 21:53

teafortwo, yes the name is a bit flippant given how much pain we've been through with this problem - I am worried about it. We don't really have issues talking about sex, just doing it, sadly. It has always been me that brought the subject up in the past, though. I said to him when I found out I was pg, 'oh we're not going to rvert to old ways are we?' and he said we wouldn't but admitted that he might find it 'strange' when I have a bump.

I do love him, very much, and it is reciprocated. Cheesy as it sounds, he feels like my soulmate. I will have to mention my fears to him again I suppose...

OP posts:
Original poster
bumpnohump · 29/05/2007 12:51

Bump. Has anyone else had this problem in pregnancy?

OP posts:
Listmaker · 29/05/2007 12:56

No real advice but wanted to bump this for you. My dds' dad wasn't keen in the last month or so as he felt it was a bit strange but we were very active in the early months as I felt more like it!!

The only advice is to keep communicating I guess.

Can we ask what the issues were/are?

ChipButty · 29/05/2007 12:57

Are you intimate in other ways - hugging, kissing, massage etc? Try to keep these things up, if you can but I guess you will have to talk to him about what you are thinking. Is there a male relative friend who would talk to your DH about sex in pregnancy?

Original poster
bumpnohump · 29/05/2007 15:43

So sorry, I bumped this and then had to go out, hence delay in getting back...Listmaker, issues were basically not having sex, my dh doesn't have high sex drive anyway but we'd got into an awful rut of just not doing it and living together like a brother and sister (or so it felt!). We started a few months back with non-sexual massage and progressed from there to having sex, I will be devastated if it all goes back to the way it was again. We were only saying to one another a couple of weeks ago how we felt closer and I felt more 'wanted' by him since we'd been having sex again...
Chipbutty I know he has confided in one or two of his friends about our problem in the past. I suppose there's a infinate number of ways to have 'sex' that doesn't necessarily involve penetration (sorry tmi) so might have to get inventive. Just don't want us to go off the boil again!

OP posts:
Listmaker · 30/05/2007 13:54

Hi bnh

I think sex is something you do have to keep doing iyswim! You can easily get out of the habit and it's hard to get back into it.

I don't always feel totally 'up for it' but I do it anyway and it makes me want it then and definitely makes me feel more loving and intimate and generally closer to dh.

Keep up the other things definitely. Sex is great and really important.

mumblechum · 30/05/2007 14:00

I'd just echo what listmaker said.

What would happen if you just approached him tonight when your lo is in bed?

SomeoneElseEntirely · 30/05/2007 14:21

Does your DH masturbate, as far as you know? Has he always been like this, in relationships?

Did you initially have sex more?

I'd go back to the non-sexual massage, I think.

NotQuiteCockney · 30/05/2007 14:22

Sorry, last post was me. Name appears mangled.

Eulalia · 30/05/2007 14:27

Our sex life has been rather patchy since we started having kids nearly 8 years ago and we went through long periods of 'drought' and I know what you mean about 'brother and sister'. Fortunately we seem to have managed to rekindle the relationship from time to time. We've got 3 kids and they've obviously got in the way. my dh is a lot older htan me and low libido probably due to that. I would say if you had managed to get things back on track already then you can do it again. The main thing is that you are both OK with the lack of sex and not worried that one or hte other is going to stray or anything awful like that. Just keep on talking about it and reassuring each other and you will be fine and just enjoy your pregnancy and baby when s/he comes. sorry this is a bit rushed...

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