Can 2 broken people love?

[TooOldForThis67]

Hi. Have name changed for this.

So, have been seeing a guy for a few months. I'm out of a long-term marriage by just over a year (my choice) and been badly hurt thro dating. He's more recently out of a long-term relationship where he was cheated on. Obviously, we both have trust issues. He originally just wanted to date whilst I wanted a relationship. After a few dates he agreed he didn't want anything casual either, so we agreed to be exclusive.
The sex is fantastic. We have a great time when together either out or in. We just click. We have both been through some family drama's and health issues since dating but this has brought us closer together.

So, why can't I tell him I love him and why can't he tell me? We both skirt around it. I personally feel I've still got barriers up and he agreed, as does he. Should I not worry about it or are we doomed? We both have kids and don't see us living together in the immediate future, however, we don't speculate on what would happen when the kids are older. I've been in 3 long-term relationships and done a lot of dating, whereas he's only had 1 since quite young and hasn't done much dating. He's the loyal type and tbh, I've always been a bit flighty.

Sorry if this is boring but I just want opinions on whether I should just be patient with myself and him. I just don't want to get hurt again and my instinct is to run, crazy I know!

Just try and enjoy what you have between you. Go with the flow, if it doesn't feel natural to say the "I love you" then leave it until it does.

Date, get to know each other, what is the rush? If I love you doesn’t come after several more months then question it, not now.

It took us a few months but that's not a bad thing, surely? We're been together 15 years now.

Be patient and take things very slowly, especially with children.

If you both have issues then you might struggle to have a healthy relationship but if you can keep things sensible and stick to boundaries etc that may not be such an issue.

Baggage reclaim is a good site with articles which help you figure out the health of your relationship, I've always found it very illuminating.

You've only been seeing him a few months, it's much too soon to be doing anything other than dating.
But if your instinct is to run, might that suggest that there's something about him that's ringing alarm bells?
If you don't run, I'd advise taking it very slowly indeed, don't commit or get yourself too deeply involved until you know a lot more about him.

Falling in love makes people feel vulnerable only because they are unsure if it's reciprocated.

Imagine if this man were to say "I'll only love you if you love me" how would that make you feel? Is it important to love or be loved? Is love like any other transaction in life? We live in a society where all transactions take place in a capitalist totality where each competitively looks to get the better deal, the better share, one up. Does love have to be reduced to this? Should it be?

I wonder if any happiness can be found in simply allowing yourself to love? I think it can, but it's not easy.

I love DP, first man I've ever really loved. He loves me, but so has every other man I had a LTR with. What makes me happy?

You just have to take a chance, or alter your perspective!

Thank you, everyone, for your responses - you are all right of course. I should go with the flow and stop analysing everything.
Minx - unfortunately, with online dating, the capitalist in us comes out far too easily. Is there a better deal, etc. I'm guilty of having a look online to see who's about and it's not because there is anything 'wrong' with my b/f, it's just because it's easy to do. I will make a point of stopping this. I'm so scared of getting hurt that my instinct is to run before it happens, therefore not giving anyone a chance. He is the first bloke that truly makes me happy but I wish I could just open up to him more but not scare him off also!

I’m 7 months in and no I love you’s yet. We both acknowledge that we’ve had a stressful start to the relationship, both moving house and jobs etc and therefore we haven’t had much headspace to progress things. We have talked about our expectations and our both happy with this as we just enjoy our time for now and will think about more serious stuff when we have the headspace.

It’s actually the most healthy, relaxed relationship I’ve had and the first time I have felt love from someone’s actions without them saying it. It has been worth it to learn the value of that if nothing else! In the grand scheme of things, I don’t need to hear him say it so I’m sure we’ll get round to it eventually.

It sounds like you like the guy a lot so just enjoy the time. If you need a conversation around expectations, have one; if he’s a good bloke he’ll want to make you feel reassured.