How to help my family forgive DP?

[LeCreusetOrDead]

My DP of 2 years and I have decided to make a go of our relationship after a really awful week where we essentially broke up due to conflicting needs that we weren’t sure could be reconciled, despite loving each other so much. After a week of space and then some extremely honest conversations we have found ways to compromise and are both keen to try.

The issue is I was absolutely devastated all week and stayed with family, hardly eating and sleeping. I understand it was difficult for my family (mum and auntie) to witness my distress. They did a wonderful job of putting me back together and I think had decided it was better that we didn’t get back together.

There were no issues between them previously but now my family I think are struggling to get past the pain he caused me (though I’ve tried to explain he didn’t actually do anything wrong, it was the prospect of the relationship ending that hurt so much). Any tips on how I can get them to “forgive” him or is this something only time can heal?

I think they are right to feel as they do.

Drama like that in a 2 year relationship doesn't really look great.

Having to involve your family was a bit much anyway.

You can't orchestrate the feelings of others, they go by what they see.

It's hard to advise when your family know the situation but you haven't outlined it here. They will naturally be very protective of you.

My best friend’s husband-to-be called off their wedding a month before they were due to get married.

She was utterly destroyed.

They got back together a few weeks later (and got married as planned).

That was 12 years and two children ago, and I’ve still not 100% forgiven him for the hurt he caused her

Its really difficult.

It will just take time of them seeing you happy and back together.....And your issues staying resolved.

You can make them do anything.

Your family sounds very loving and supportive so if they know this is what you truly want hopefully in time they will forgive and forget!

This is a healthy situation. They are wary and will have your back.

Over time, if it turns out well, they will be fully comfortable with him again.

So, do nothing at all, just carry on as normal so long as they are not actively hostile to him.

You can't orchestrate the feelings of others, they go by what they see.

This

when you invite people into you 'problems/issues' .... you are inviting them to have an open opinion of your problems/issues... that door once opened is difficult to close OP

Hi all,

I'm looking for a little bit of perspective please.

I have been official with my boyfriend for coming up to 3 months. Things were great at first but I soon started having some niggles.

I came out of a bad 6 year relationship 18 months ago and I know I still have some walls up due to this.

Firstly, he would message me when I was active on social media but hadn't text him.

He read a text to my sons dad over my shoulder and made a comment about the length of it (it was about food my son had ate and arrangements for next day).

He's struggled to keep it up when we are intimate several times. Haven't thought much of this because it happens but it's been happening more when he overthinks. He's saying I shouldn't say this to him as it makes him feel bad.

He seems quite insecure and needs a lot of reassurance. I struggle with this as I am not his mother and it really irritates me.

To top it off we went out with friends last week and we spoke about holidays and I said yes that's somewhere me and ex went. He completely lost it. Said that my friends and I shouldn't mention my ex in front of him. He is my sons dad, he is going to come up in conversation. He started shouting, then crying when I sent him home. Stormed in and out saying he needed to sort it now whilst patting my leg.

I sent him home and now, over a week later, I'm still really angry. I am not coping with having to constantly reassure him as I don't think I should.

He's downplayed all of this, blamed it on the drink and that he had a LDR so he's new to this. However in my eyes alcohol is no excuse.

He's said it will never happen again but struggling to believe it. I don't think he understands my points at all. He wants to move forward but I am struggling with doing hay because I feel like he just wants it to blow over because he hates feeling bad.

However, I spent my time single working on myself and making myself strong again so now I am wondering if I am being too harsh and I need to help him?

Wrong post so sorry!!!

I don't blame them being wary, two years and major problems doesn't bode well at all. They can see that being on the outside and likely wondering why you've gone back.

Op, I think time will heal this.

New chapter. If you read your thread as someone else you'd recommend they end the relationship. It's very early days and you have quite a long list of things that aren't good. Get out now.