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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sat here crying

16 replies

thelaststraw123 · 15/07/2018 20:55

I don't even know how to explain it anymore.

I slept with an ex when we were on a break. Had been split for over a month. Has since blamed me for cheating.

He checks my phone regularly, but will do it secretively
Accuses me of cheating all the time as "I've done it before"

I have had to give up Facebook.

He comments on hair/makeup/clothing.

He gaslights me.

Has assaulted me on more than one occasion (police reports)

Treats me like shit. Emotional abuse, constantly feel like I'm walking on egg shells. For example, tonight I said I wanted to go home from the pub, he said I wanted to go for different reasons. I had to get some stuff from his house.
Instead of acting like an adult, he chucked all my stuff out of the bedroom window to make a scene. But of course it will look like it was me!

I feel like I'm addicted to him. I don't know how I feel about him anymore. But I can't seem to get away from him.
Any advice as I can't carry on like this any more. It's killing me

OP posts:
Original poster
thelaststraw123 · 15/07/2018 20:56

Realised the first part doesn't make sense. Have been with this bloke for nearly 4 years

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 15/07/2018 20:59

I'm sorry to hear you've been treated so badly.

What is stopping you from leaving?

Singlenotsingle · 15/07/2018 21:01

Time for another break, methinks! A permanent one this time!

Original poster
thelaststraw123 · 15/07/2018 21:03

I don't know, it's like an addiction. I get myself to the point where I'm ready to move on, and then I fail. I don't know what it is but I can't live like it anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
thelaststraw123 · 15/07/2018 21:04

But how do I make myself strong enough to stick to it?

OP posts:
Brightsun · 15/07/2018 21:04

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like he is an abuser and you are in an abusive relationship. You deserve better.
Call up Women's Aid who will tell you a similar story. My partner had been beating me for years. I finally found the strength to leave the relationship just a few months ago.
It won't be easy but you will be free from his abuse. Xx

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 15/07/2018 21:07

I was in a very similar situation to you OP. I was deeply unhappy but I could not leave as I felt lonely without him and wanted someone there. I thought I would never be in the position to leave him. In the end I reached breaking point and I made a clean break. I met a new man about a year later and I am so much happier.
I do have brought some issues into my new relationship from my old one, but I am working through them and things are getting gradually better. You will know for yourself when enough is enough, trust me. It will be hard at first but you will be absolutely fine and so much happier without him and his behaviour.

Brightsun · 15/07/2018 21:08

For me I've stuck at it because of my kids and because I could have so easily died on any of thos violent rages. You are worth soo much more than his bullshit, abusive , cuntish ways. You deserve better regardless of what you may think. X

HyenaHappy · 15/07/2018 21:09

If not now then when?

Leave. For your sanity and your safety.

I know it’s hard. You can do it. As a pp said, women’s aid can help or google your local IDVA (independent domestic abuse advisor).

Original poster
thelaststraw123 · 15/07/2018 22:08

Going to call my local DV outreach team tomorrow, and request a refuge space. I need to get away from all of this

OP posts:
DownTownAbbey · 15/07/2018 22:17

Using the word 'addicted' makes it sound like you're putting a romantic slant on his violence.

You need to get your head around the fact that he is a shit excuse for a boyfriend and you are not having a 'passionate', 'volatile', 'explosive' relationship. See him for what he is. He hits women. He's a sad, pathetic shithead.

DownTownAbbey · 15/07/2018 22:18

Just seen your update- great news!
Flowers

Original poster
thelaststraw123 · 16/07/2018 17:44

I called and they gave me the number for the domestic violence helpline. Called them but obv very busy so have left a message. Hopefully hear from them soon

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 16/07/2018 19:50

I hope you do hear from them soon OP and you can get their help to get out of there.

In the meantime, if you can access a copy of Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that?" it might help you start that journey towards freedom. If you have a smartphone you can read it via that. If you PM me I'd be glad to send you a link.

Cambshusband · 16/07/2018 20:00

I can’t believe you are putting up with this. There’s plenty of men out there who would appreciate you, get rid of the pond life

Original poster
thelaststraw123 · 16/07/2018 20:53

@NotTheFordType I have pm'ed you. Would love that link!

Still waiting on a call back but feeling more positive today!

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