I found out, on my 1st day of maternity leave, that my partner (we're not married) had been sexting a work colleague over the course of my pregnancy. I was literally on his computer looking for a document and noticed pictures of him and his colleague in all files. I found the root folder and then noticed semi naked pictures of another girl too.
Having been cheated on by previous boyfriends I knew that the only thing I could do was confront him, so I drove to his work and did this. The colleague who he had been sexting was also there and they denied anything was going on until I decided to show them the pictures I had downloaded to my phone. He said they hadn't slept together, which I believe. Funnily enough the only reason I believe this is because she's a muslim and he said that he knew it wouldn't go that far due to this. Anyway, cue tears and anger and confusion and discussions about what to do...I told him he had one chance to prove himself. Our LO was born three days later and we have been attempting to get through it. Anyway, over the course of recovering from this, I realised that before I found out about his emotional affair, I have been the one who gave everything to the relationship and made a vow that I will not be going out of my way to do that again. He needs to put the effort in, which he has been doing to an extent.
As I said, there were pictures of another girl who I asked him about. He said he got them of the internet. Total BS I know. I asked him to swear on our babies life and he did. 4 months down the line, I noticed a hard drive on his desk so I snooped and found texts messages from the other girl and his work colleague, so I totally let rip telling him that as far as I was concerned it was over. His lies disgusted me, especially as he swore on our LO's life. He said it was because he thought that there was no point in me being hurt further. Once the dust settled, I had a change of heart as I know that he had been the one to end it with both girls - I knew this from the texts I saw. Roll on till now and again, I'm questioning leaving him. Basically we've had discussions about him omitting the truth and we were talking about meeting new people etc. He asked if I would be upset with him meeting new friends who were girls. I told him that i was under no illusion that he could do the same thing again and that i don't trust him because he omits the truth (and has been caught doing this since I found out about his sexting.) I'm living by the motto, forgive but don't forget. He turned round and said that he wouldn't want to know if I was flirting with someone else so he wouldn't tell me. He does't seem to get that he should be working hard to to be as open as possible considering the past. I've realised now that not only can I not trust him he is totally unsupportive. He has recently had a lot of anxiety about work, which he has complained about on a daily basis for the past 3 weeks. If that were me he would shut me down (which he has done.) I'm now thinking that aside from the emotional affair, he just isn't a trustworthy, positive or supportive person.
On top of that he is suppose to stick to a schedule looking after our the LO and at times he says he's too drained or has something to do, which frustrates the hell out of me but only after I have agreed to cover for him. My bad I know. I know that if it were me asking, I'd have to explain quite throughly why I need him to look after the LO. The schedule was out in place so he has an idea of what it's like to look after our LO so that when I go back to work, which is really soon, he will be at ease with it. He's still not at ease with it and everything seems like so much effort. I know I need to to learn to say no and not explain why and I'm working on it. I'm at a cross roads now. He won't go to counselling but I think I might need to. He is naturally critical, so this grates on me and this is one of the things I have brought up, as well as the fact that he has never given me a proper reason to why he began sexting others. The only thing he came up with was that he was curious, which is just eye roll inducing and quite frankly, disrespectful. Am I better of out? Are there any of you who have through something similar? I feel like I'm living with an immature twat who has no idea how to get in touch with his feelings and just be vulnerable for once. When we first met (we've been together for 8 years) he seemed so confident, supportive and trustworthy but obviously that has changed and he won't think or talk about why. Any one got any advice? Sorry if this message is so long. I just needed to get everything off my chest.