Works with EX EA

[1unhappymum]

Hi ladies. I have been reading for a while. You all seem to have some pretty good advice and I hope that you can help.

Cutting a 1 year story very short.

DH had emotional affair at work. After lots of issues he ended it.

I spoke to her for about 2 hours in total and told her exactly how it was. Root cause etc etc

She chose not to believe me .

She is also choosing not to leave things alone.

He is very professional with her now and she hates it.

Thing is, she Is married with children. She lied to me and told me that he knows but he doesn’t.

Still messaging or finding reasons or causing issues to be able to communicate at work. Luckily he is now being honest again but how do we free ourselves from this? He can’t leave just yet, for many reasons but intends to. In the meantime, it is incredibly difficult.

I can’t go much into the hell that I have been through and just need this to be over.

Any advice?

I am confused why you think there is no saving your marriage??? If I was in your shoes this is exactly how I would view it. It is an abuse of trust. Also remember that women see affairs very differently. It’s not all about sex to them. To her they did have a relationship. She is struggling with the break up as she sees him every day. You need to focus on your husband and marriage and leave him to sort out work.

Thanks :-)

I know leaving is the best option.

He has been more that clear via message that he does not wish her to communicate and strangely she has said the same but still does it.

She is blocked on phones and he doesn’t have social media. Work email, he can’t block her from. Neither can he stop her coming into the offices for whatever reason she can make up, which she has done countless times. Pay as you go numbers that are then discarded or disconnected have been used too. Hence my communication with the police and the difficulty there.

With some of the things she has done this far, you do wonder what she will do next.

As I explained earlier. He isn’t getting off lightly at all.

It was not physical.

There is no excuse for her behaviour since, feelings or not.

I couldn’t give a damn about her tbh it’s just extremely annoying and unpredictable.

This thread may seem directed at her right now as she is the one causing issues continuously.

I can’t save my marriage. My way of viewing things is very different. I view it as building something from scratch. The foundations were still there but anything other than that has to be rebuilt. I won’t rug sweep. I took a lot for him to gain my trust all those years ago. I guess we will see what happens but I’m eyes wide open in this.

Hope things work out for you I’m
Sorry I don’t have any advice

Ah thanks :-)

He should message her along the lines of, "please desist from contacting me about issues other than work. If you continue to harass me, I will complain formally to HR and advise your husband. This is the last non work related message I'm going to send you".

If he definitely wants rid of her, he'll willingly do something like that.

If he can't leave yet and the police can't do anything.

HR is the best option. I assume he has already sent a message to her that outlined the above.

Yeah he’s already been really clear.
I guess we just suck it up for now. I think HR would advise but not take any ‘action’.