I am at the end of my tether and need some advice.
Only been married 2 yrs and have an 11 month old DS.
My DH was loving and fun when we first met. But now he is sullen and doesn’t help out at all with the baby. I do the gardening, cooking, shopping, washing, cleaning and looking after the baby and he doesn’t do a thing. I go back to work soon (I’m on mat leave) and my job is really demanding. I just don’t know how I’ll cope.
He is always criticising me and puts me down/embarrasses me in front of my friends. Just subtle put downs but it’s chipping away at my confidence. I try to chat to him and ask how his day was and sometimes he ignores me and says “what?!” So I have to repeat myself. Might as well not bother trying to be bright and breezy when he’s not interested.
He has a job (which is his passion) which means he works weekends and evenings so when he has spare time you’d think he’d make more effort but all he wants to do is socialise with his friends or family and doesn’t seem to want to do anything with just me & DS.
I am getting tired of the constant moodiness and lack of support. He lies in bed napping while I am looking after our DS and he doesn’t do anything to help me. He thinks earning a good salary is contribution enough.
Where is the respect I used to have? He doesn’t chat to me and is always on his phone. He can’t be bothered to have sex either and falls asleep before me every night. He’s only 40 but I feel like I’m
Married to a grumpy old man. He doesn’t appreciate me and I know I deserve better but I do love him and want to make it work. I feel like he refuses to do anything he doesn’t like doing but that’s not fair, why should I have to do everything? I’m exhausted (he doesn’t do any feeds or changes of the baby) just looks after himself and I’m always clearing up after him. As we speak he’s lying in bed (17:30 on a Sunday)... it’s just not normal how much he sleeps! I feel lonely and frustrated! I wonder if he’s depressed or having an affair.
I’m not confrontational as I grew up with a bad tempered father who didn’t help my mum and I swore I’d not end up like her (having to do everything and walking on eggshells). I hate arguments and bite my tongue all the time but the resentment is building and I think I will explode one of these days.
Sometimes I start doubting myself I wonder if expecting too much of him on the basis that perhaps I could have it worse (I’ve had abusive relationships in the past) but he is slowly wearing me down and it is not pleasant. I don’t want my dS to end up like him.
Can anyone advise?