What do I tell the kids??

[MINKY75]

Long story short, husband told kids (5,8) that he didn't want to live at home anymore after ending our marriage. This was 4 months ago. He's now revealed he's been in a relationship for 'some months' and is moving in with her and her multiple children. He'd like our children to meet her and her kids. I feel it's too soon, and (as he hasn't explained further to then his reasons for leaving l) the children would be hurt and confused by the fact he was living with another family. Only yesterday I was asked "why doesn't daddy live with us?" and I asked if they'd asked him and got told "yes, he said to ask you". It's such a minefield; I know they'll find out about his new living arrangements soon but what should I be telling them?? Am I right to think it's a bit soon??

Can you ask him yo leave it for a while (6/12 months) as they're very confused about it...and hirt by his leaving and have been asking questions.

Yell him what they said. He's obviously been having an affair...is thst what he wants you to tell them?

Could you enlist support from his family (parents...siblings) in the hope they would put the children first?

And... He's very inconsiderate and selfish. Not putting his kids first.

Try to appeal to his better side (if he has one - doubtful)...focussing on the kids and the impact.on them.and potential damage... they'll think they arent good enough kids ...but he's chosen other kids to live with.

What a fool he is.

One more thing... any steps towards divorce yet? It's adultery as he's still married and living with another woman.

I'd get it going..sort out the finances and be free of him.

Let him see you're moving forward.

Thanks for your replies SandyY2K. I'm seeking financial emancipation as soon as possible but if he will admit to adultery (which from the time scale it would appear this was the case) it will be moved along more quickly. His parents disagree with his choices but want 'what's best for him' (I. E THEY don't want anything to do with the situation but want him to get what he wants). I'm happy to drop feed in little bits of how not all families are a mummy and a daddy and that sometimes a daddy and mummy don't want to be friends anymore etc but I'm not sure that it's my place to say more. I don't want to be the bad guy!!

It depends if you think he can be reasonable. If you think he would listen and give the children a period of time to adjust then that would be for the best.

If he is anything like my ex he was bringing ow on his contact time 'as a friend'. Right from the start. The children weren't stupid. And I spoke about her as daddy's girl friend. 12 weeks later he has moved to a place with her and the children are sleeping on the floor next to their bed.
I have been honest with the children. daddy didn't want to be with mummy anymore and being with ow makes him happy. Mine are five and eleven. The youngest has just rolled with it. Although has displayed some shocking behaviour at times. My eldest doesn't understand.

Hope he can do the right thing by the children.

Exh and I made an agreement when we split up that we would leave it at least a year from separation before introducing any new relationships to the kids. They need to adjust and a new relationship this early will be really hard on them. He needs to put his kids feelings before his own.

Also sorry you are going through this, he sounds like a twat.

I really think the kids need to see him separately and adjust to visitation with their dad, new house/routine etc before OW and kids become part of that- it's a massive adjustment for them. I hope he will consider them and you should really sit down together to explain it. Good luck OP