Teenage son being harassed I'm frightened for him.Hand hold please :(

[whatisforteamum]

Last November our DS said he had trouble with an ex.He is gay and still a teen.
The guy turned up at our house seemed upset so I went with him to DS workplace.to chat with him.DS.seemed visibly shaken all his colleagues agreed this guy was creepy.
My dh dropped him at the station and he left.
A couple more times DS.was.sent gifts then met up with this guy.I advised him not to as he is bigger than DS too.
It was decided to end the relationship with police help.A text.was sent the guy rang back and police told him three times not to contact ds myself or Dh.
He jumped on a train came to the house where dh called police who had our address red flagged.He was.spoken to sternly sent packing became abusive then handcuffed.Warner he could be arrested and dropped at the police station.
Emails started to be sent.saying DS owes him money.....for all the gifts He sent.
This week I signed for a recorded delivery of was a.threat from him to DS for 8/grand or facing court.Last night an awful Email saying dreadful this to DS and saying he doesn't know the extent of this guy's actions.No physical mentions of harm but saying he will take him to court blah blah.
I am frightened.
The police say he isn't listening to reason. The letter was aggressive in nature.My DS works in a very public place.His manager has been informed.
Am I over reacting? This guy is getting to me and DS after months of telling him to contact him daily and abusive phone calls and threats of suicide to our daughter who has left home.

I would suggest your son applies for a non molestation order, barring this man from contacting him or coming to his home or place of work.

Go straight back to the police. If they've already been involved this is to your advantage.

It makes no difference if he's gay or straight, this is still harassment.

Yes, he needs a non-harassment order and the police need to warn that any further attempts at contact and your ds will pursue stalking charges. You all also need to stop engaging. Don’t accept random stuff in the post without knowing who it’s from (send it all back return to sender, that’s what we did when a family member was harassing us), block him on phone and email, etc. And gosh, if you want to be rid, sent him those £8000 worth of gifts back and be done.

Going to The police today.The non molestation order doesn't apply as the were not in a relationship.A letter.can be sent now via police or he can be taken to court.My DS says he seems mentally unstable.The police woman.said he doesn't have regard for the law.
My anxiety is sky high and DS.seems close to tears.

And gosh, if you want to be rid, sent him those £8000 worth of gifts back and be done.

FFS perhaps they don’t have 8k to spare!

There were.never 8 k of gifts.He is a fantacist.Pizza sweets and expensive aftershave that is all.My DS tried to pacify him as he was scared of the repercussions.I didn't know the letter would be from him.I will not accept anymore.

Something similar happened with my brothers ex. Mostly over the phone to my parents but very frightening and you have my sympathies. I am glad the police have taken it seriously. Sorry no practical advice but virtual handhold as requested xxxxx

OP all you can do is go back to the police and get a non-molestation order. And ignore ignore ignore! Whilst keeping all evidence of communication. The good thing is that your son has you behind him.

Good luck. I hope this stops soon for your son.

The non molestation order doesn't apply as the were not in a relationship either they were a couple or not. The statement of this guy being an ex does mean that there was a relationship at one point and that needs to be taken into account for the non molestation order.

My fear is he will resort to physical means of he gets no response.I remember stories about this year's ago where women were killed at the hands of an ex.Even so it is a huge mental drain.:(

Someone told me it was.like Judge Rinder.This made me smile.I am still concerned and isolated with this.I can't follow DS to work etc.

I recommend Gavin deBecker's book "The Gift of Fear". Read it yourself and consider giving a copy to your son.

Stay closely in touch with the police but you and family should not respond either directly or indirectly to the ex in any way. I would advise your son to change his mobile number and email address, give the new number only to people he trusts and be very very clear that nobody is to give information about him to the ex. Inform his college/workplace etc that the ex is harassing and stalking him. If his employer is big enough to have HR he should speak to them about e.g. varying his start and finish times, being escorted to his car if he drives home (I used to do this for a staff member who had a violent ex). He should try to vary his routine where possible - take different routes to and from work, at slightly different times.

Follow the police's advice, educate yourself and trust your instincts.

Oh, turns out deBecker has a second book called "Protecting the gift: keeping children and teenagers safe". I haven't read it, but deBecker is the expert in threat assessment and that sounds like a great place to start for you.

Thank you for book recommendation.

I'm a family solicitor, OP.

You describe this man as an "ex". If they were in an intimate personal relationship of significant duration, then he can apply under the Famiky Law Act for a non molestation order.

Significant duration is not defined but it mainly means "Not just a casual shag".

Why do you call him an ex but say they weren't in a relationship?

My DS told police they were not in a relationship.To my mind meeting someone meals out with them etc is a.relationship.Perhaps he meant it wasn't sexual.The guy isn't attractive.Just odd.

DS workplace has offered to change shifts which I have urged him to do as he travels on public transport.Eh has collected him from the bus stop too.

If that's the case he can still seek an order under the Protection from Harassment Act. I would suggest getting your son to a solicitor if this doesn't stop or the police aren't escalating. Have they given him a harassment warning yet?

No written warning yet that is the next step.