So today I have finally realised my boyfriend is emotionally manipulative and abusive. I have always known he was ever so slightly controlling but tonight researching into it I feel my eyes have now opened wide to his ways and how I have been mistreated for the past 5 years.
The past month has been hard for me, I realised that I didn't want to continue our relationship the way it currently is without it changing drastically. As a result of me leaving home he has agreed to go to couples counselling with me although he remains in denial/or adamant that there is anything wrong and that he is to blame.
Here are the typical traits and things he does:
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moaning that I don't do enough housework
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sarcastic jokes that are actually put downs
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snapping at me when he is stressed
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Passive aggressive remarks which put me down and make me feel guilty
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trivialising my feelings
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being unhelpful and unsupportive
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power struggles and point scoring over who did what for my 1 year old daughter last
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making me feel like a bad mum (for doing work) and a bad girlfriend for not giving him loads of attention
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always being in the right
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getting defensive and turning things back on me
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making out that I am the one to blame and that he didn't do/say things that he did.
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disrespectful comments about me in public
I have spent the past 3 years on antidepressants suffering from on and off anxiety which I thought was causing my relationship to suffer, I am now starting to think my relationship has caused my depression.
My other half thinks all is forgive, he has been nice over the past week (which is normally the case for a week or so) so there is nothing to worry about. I am not so naïve and have been researching what would happen if I were to leave. Sadly I think it will likely happen, I don't think he will change, and after tonight in which I went to go and do work upstairs and he mumbled "fine I won't go upstairs then" - because he would have to stay downstairs with our daughter - a silly throwaway passive aggressive comment that has become our norm - I honestly don't even know if I want to stay. I just don't think I love him anymore. He has brought me down so much and dented my self confidence I didn't even realise until today.
But we have a daughter and a house and a commitment and he said he wants to try. We have couples counselling on Friday. I feel like I should just go armed with my new understanding that he is emotionally abusive - tell him he needs to change right now and be the person I deserve or I will leave.
What more can I do?