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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband making divorce difficult

53 replies

Sloulou88 · 14/07/2018 20:40

So I submitted the papers (finally!!)

He has said he will contest the divorce - I tried keeping the reasons nice -ie he left family home, no sexual activity etc (but in reality it’s far worse than this!)

Once I told him I had sent the papers he said “hope you have lots of money saved you disgusting piece of s*t”

What are my options? He HATES me so I’m not sure what grounds he would have to contest? Would it go to court? Is he even likely to contest? Am I going to be forced to be married to him forever?? He’s constantly messaging me with horrible messages and being intimidating on pick up so why he wants to stay married is beyond me. I’m so scared and just want him out of my life as smoothly as possible (well not completely as we have a child!)

OP posts:

category12 · 16/07/2018 20:59

You have the facts, you know the dates (or approximate ones for your examples), you have his horrible texts - he'll get nowhere and he probably knows it.

CoastalBreeze · 16/07/2018 21:08

Don't worry OP. It's highly unlikely he'll defend it in reality. And if he does, then all you have to do is to prove he's been served with the papers (with mine my solicitor used a private detective who needed a photo of my then husband so she could swear that she handed the papers to him personally (not that glam a job after all!)).

Then when he ignores them it will go through be default. That's for unreasonable behaviour. Adultery has to be admitted but unreasonable behaviour has to be denied. One of the many reasons unreasonable behaviour is the most popular grounds for divorce.

Original poster

Sloulou88 · 17/07/2018 20:54

@NotTheFordType yes I have, got an emai today saying they were sent the 5th this is your ref number you have them emailed etc and they were posted to his addres- contact us if you need duplicates. Rang the people who emailed me and they had no record of me- stressing!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

NotTheFordType · 17/07/2018 21:54

Oh dear, that is not reassuring at all. If they are saying they can't find your details at all I think at this point I'd find a new solicitor tbh.

Original poster

Sloulou88 · 18/07/2018 20:38

So annoyed! Court sent the papers to me today via email saying they were sent today (No idea why they said they were sent on the 5th??).

Now im terrified waiting for him to get them, he will no doubt be FURIOUS. He has a history of getting very aggressive with me throwing threats around (when I told him I was going for the divorce he was saying he was going to ring the police to tell them my partner molests our son- he didn't but it cused great distress to me)- I am dreading him getting them. If they were posted today when should he get them?

So Scared :( and hoping he doesn't contest I cant deal with this much longer.

OP posts:

Archilpnd7 · 20/07/2018 07:46

Were you having an affair????? ..........what are the reasons behind your divorce

feelingfree17 · 20/07/2018 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tatiannatomasina · 20/07/2018 10:44

Try not to worry. My ex reckoned he was going to contest the divorce and his lawyer told him there was no point, it was just a waste of time. I felt sick thinking of what he might do when he got the papers but in reality he had a tantrum and i got divorced 😁

Original poster

Sloulou88 · 20/07/2018 13:17

@Archilpnd7 technically I have commited adultery, as I have a partner of a year but still married, however I got with him a year after my husband left. I said I would sign for adultery if it would make him divorce me but he thinks we should be married forever as I shouldn't get what I want, I HAVE GONE for unreasonable behaviour as he said he wont consent. Constant name calling, threats and general "do what I say or we will be married forever". I have tried discussing issues with him but get ignored.

@feelingfree17 I HAVE BEEN To GP last time he kicked off, got two weeks off sick and told to look at NHS Choices!!!!!

@Tatiannatomasina Thanks I am trying- I hope my husband does, though I think hes the type not to get legal advise and just go for it! He thinks he knows it all and that I am wrong when I say it will end in divorce and just cost him money!

OP posts:

Original poster

Sloulou88 · 20/07/2018 13:46

@tatiannatomasina did you get much bother off him? I got SO much bother just saying I was sending them so not sure what it will be like today or tomorrow when he gets them

OP posts:

Treacletoots · 20/07/2018 15:49

Firstly. Sit down and dont worry. There's no judge in the world who would keep you married to someone just because he says you can't divorce him. Thankfully it's not 1850 any more.

It sounds just like my DHs ex wife. When she received the papers informing her he was divorcing her she was fuming, having been used to being the one in control. She replied back saying she accepted the petition but believed she had stronger grounds and then proceeded to list them.

It was so pathetic I almost felt sorry for her, but obviously didn't as it was an enjoyable experience seeing her not control him for once.

No judge cares who petitions. He's not got a leg to stand on and if he's anything like my exH he is likely to be all hot air and no action. Block him, igbore any contact and continue to move on with your now lovely life.

Original poster

Sloulou88 · 20/07/2018 16:52

@Treacletoots I am glad she divorced- Definatley a control thing? Once she replied did the judge grant the NISI or was it more complicated than that?

What worries me is he says I AM NOT Getting a divorce- he has said he will contest and then he said he will ignore then said he will contest again:(

OP posts:

Treacletoots · 20/07/2018 16:59

The judge didn't give two hoots. It was completely ignored. Honestly believe me when I say this is his last ditch attempt to control you but he has no power.

The nisi is granted regardless of the respondents disagreement/displeasure. Go and organise your divorce party it won't be long..

Treacletoots · 20/07/2018 17:02

As for ignoring. Again irrelevant as papers are deemed served if they are sent by first class post. Although you could possibly up your amusement factor by having him officially served by hiring someone to do this.

I'm imagining scenarios of hot women or flower delivery decoys.

Original poster

Sloulou88 · 20/07/2018 17:04

@treacletoots I hope your right! I can just se ehim totally saying he will defend submitting an answer of how horrible I am :( I wish I could be as optimistic as you!!!!!!!!

Do you not HAVE to have someone to serve them?
hahah! I like the plan!

OP posts:

Treacletoots · 20/07/2018 17:11

No you dont have to have them served but I'm just thinking ahead that this may be the only delay you may face if he claims he hasnt received the papers.

So let's work this through, if he responds saying how horrible you are, the judge will only have more reason to allow you both a divorce. You clearly don't like each other any more.

Original poster

Sloulou88 · 20/07/2018 17:25

@treacletoots thanks so much you really are helping settle my mind.

He doesn't reply at all to the courts? What is my action then?
if he responds as you say (and as he says he will) do you reckon it would be a court drama? And no we don't like eachother- I would love to like him as a friend but he has no interest.

OP posts:

Treacletoots · 20/07/2018 17:43

So, you can apply to the court to get it officially served by their bailiff. This is a fab link which details for you.

www.blockslegal.co.uk/articles/divorce-procedure-happens-husbandwife-ignores-divorce-petition/

Please do stop worrying about images of court battles. It simply won't get that far. Provided you have examples of his unreasonable behaviour and trust me these can be ridiculously minor, such as he used the wrong washing detergent, or in my case, he spent all his spare time on his PC gaming. Oh yes, provided you've given these you've complied with the requirements for a divorce. The judge won't give two shots what your soon to be ex husband does.

Treacletoots · 20/07/2018 17:45

Obviously I meant shits. Not shots.

Start planning that party. In about 4 months you'll be free.

Original poster

Sloulou88 · 23/07/2018 13:00

Assuming he has the papers now they were posted 18th- no word from him at the moment......

Who bets hes going to ignore- OR he could actually be reasonable and sign!

OP posts:

Original poster

Sloulou88 · 23/07/2018 13:00

Or maybe hes sent his contest!

OP posts:

Treacletoots · 23/07/2018 13:45

Just text him. I know you've got the papers. I'll give you 7 days to sign and return them.before I order the bailiff to serve you. By the way, you'll end up paying for his fee.

If he's anything like mine he'll return them Asap.

Original poster

Sloulou88 · 23/07/2018 17:44

@treavletoots I have done- no reply! guess its a waiting game? Do I wait for the courts to contact me or what now?

Still have a feeling he might contest!

OP posts:

Fannybaws52 · 23/07/2018 17:52

He's lucky you haven't reported him to police for the threats and harassment. You should consider doing that.

Caribbeanyesplease · 23/07/2018 17:53

There is no advantage, none, nil, to being the petitioner

So for an easy life, just say - fine. You submit the papers and divorce me.

Inwardly laugh at his reasons (they will be offensive and bull shit)

But look at the bigger picture. You get your divorce

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