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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No apology?

9 replies

Cawfee · 14/07/2018 18:59

Does anyone else have a partner/husband who refuses to apologise when they’ve behaved badly/hurt your feelings? How do you handle it?

OP posts:
lola212121 · 14/07/2018 19:01

If they are refusing to take responsibility that's a red flag for me . I wouldn't put up with it if it was repeatedly happening , I would leave .

Ifeelreallylow · 14/07/2018 19:01

I had one.

I left him in the end.
His refusal to apologise showed me that he didn't value me.

NeedDrink · 14/07/2018 19:03

Yes. Sitting in it right now.. but apparently i Should just suck it up because he otherwise is a Nice guy.. someone said.. but i Hate he is like that..

Cawfee · 14/07/2018 19:12

It’s soul destroying. My self esteem, confidence and self belief are in the toilet because of years of this behaviour. How can somebody live their life never apologising for something or words that has hurt somebody else?

OP posts:
ILoveHumanity · 14/07/2018 19:13

Depends on what it is that u need him to appologise for ..

Sometimes if it’s just a misunderstanding then , moving on and him being nice to me to compensate is enough ..

I might ask something like “ I feel very hurt by ur word such and such, did u mean it this way??” That way he gets to explain that he ddt mean it and it’s almost always leads to a sorry.

However if it was something that completely crossed the line , like swore at me and so on, without me crossing the line first ... like if I haven’t crossed the line first and he was the one to do so.. I would expect and apology... I would be emotionless and not speak to him until he does ...

However... really in a marriage... there are times when both parties need to take some responsibility so not always the man not taking responsibility means he doesn’t value u.. it could be that he wants u to also take some part of the responsibility ...

Sometimes I just think about whether I had contributed to the misunderstanding and acknowledge that... appologise for my specific action but tell him that it doesn’t justify his action and overreaction what not... and that he could’ve expressed himself less hurtfully and give him examples ..

Some people have been raised in environments where a lot of blame was directed at them in an overwhelming way that they’re scare dto take blame so sometimes guiding the process helps.

But u know ur partner most.. usually after a soft speech when ur both calm it should lead to an apology from both of you to each other if things went out of order .. or from him if he unprovokedly wronged u..

If he never apologizes, I would personally- and I realize this is controversial, I would have a serious word with him about fundamentals of relationships and perhaps dig deep and get some sort of intervention .

Couple Councelling ? A wise family member mutual friend ??

ILoveHumanity · 14/07/2018 19:14

I just read your update and it sounds more serious than I assumed .. Flowers Op, please seek support ... you shouldn’t be treated this way

duckfuckduck · 14/07/2018 19:15

Yip my ex. He believed he was teflon coated and nothing was ever his fault.

It's one of many many reasons he's an ex

yetmorecrap · 14/07/2018 19:35

I find it literally has to be dragged out many men

Gruffalina72 · 14/07/2018 20:21

I have a sad feeling that the Freedom Programme would answer those two questions. Please check it out. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

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