Hi everyone.
I'm needing some advice here. I've come to a fork in the road and not sure which way to go.
Married ten years, two gorgeous children. Hubby works hard and is kind and gentle. Helps around the house. Helps with the kids (I work four days per week). He's perfect in most ways, but...
He doesn't want to touch me.
We haven't had sex in four years, not since the birth of our last child. Prior to that, sex was every now and then. He was never into it. I was his first girlfriend (I'd been in a long term relationship before him) and his friends tell me he was always very awkward around women.
From the very beginning, there were never any kisses or cuddles. There's no affection. Never held or touched me during sex, just 2 elbows either side of my head and off he went. He has always slept on the far edge of the bed because he can't stand our limbs touching.
There's no holding hands, no casual contact whatsoever. When I bring up the lack of physical affection, I get "Well, that's what I was like before you married me." So I let it go.
I used to try so hard. Nice dinners, nights away. Compliments, making sure I kissed him goodbye before leaving for work. Snuggling next to him on the sofa, only to have him move away and maintain his distance.
In all honesty, I don't bother trying anymore. He's not interested. We're a sexless partnership. We might as well be roommates. He's happy to live like this but I can't function like this anymore. I don't want my boys growing up thinking that this is normal. There’s a major disconnect with him and our little boys, too. He rarely interacts with them or does meaningful things with them. No kicking balls around or bike rides. It’s like he can’t form connections with us, with friends and with work colleagues.
Hubby was diagnosed with ADHD last year (undiagnosed since childhood) . He also sees a range of health care professionals regularly for this and a severe social anxiety. He’s now medicated for the ADHD (Ritalin) and the anxiety.
I have a suspicion that the social anxiety has been misdiagnosed — the signs all point towards Aspergers Syndrome.
I don't really know where to go from here. He has a lot of stress in his life and I don't want to add to them for what may be petty reasons. I know he adores us. Having said that, hugging my pillows in bed at night can only get me so far. I'm really lonely.
Any suggestions would be much appreciated, especially from those in the same situation.
Thanks so much, guys.