I need advice... please help

[Worried10000]

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me via text last week while experiencing anxiety. Little things are being magnified in his mind and he won't talk about it with me. I suggested space and he agreed. He text the following day saying its best not to put it off and he has made his decision but he's torn. It ends with we can leave things for a few weeks. I don't know what to think? Any advice on what he might be thinking or what i should do....

Kinda hard to advise without knowing more, but...

Take control, inform him that's it, you're not hanging around to see if he changes his mind or not, then make a clean break away from him.

I would think - at best - he's trying to soften the blow of breaking up with you, by not wanting to say it's over, but actually causing you more heartache.

In think he's trying to be gentle. He's actually being a bit cowardly imho. His actions are making the breakup even harder for you, however well-intentioned. He should have been more robust but I appreciate that it's difficult when you have mental health issues.

In your position, I'd deal with the practicalities (moving out if applicable, or retrieving/returning each other's possessions if you don't live together, and sorting out any financial stuff) as amicably as possible, and then delete/block him.

I meant HE has mental health issues - not you

I'd make up his mind for him. If he wanted to be with you he would be. Don't let him park you while he weighs up his options.

I certainly wouldn't be waiting around a few weeks, fuck that. Take control yourself OP, end it.

He's got children and not a good relationship with the ex. She doesn't want any woman near her children which is what preys on his mind. She withdraws the kids when he displeases her (which can be for anything).
He said he loves me and always will but it will cause conflict in the future with the kids.
Normally he is ok and strong and ready for anthing to do with her and he wants to tell her. This where he secretly gives himself a date to tell he and it passes then he's in a spiral where he focuses on the hell to pay she'd send and he feels that hes let me down for not saying anything. Ive told him that i think he should leave it till we are more stable and he is really ready (also told him mention these plans to me first! )He has been very romantic and loving recently and that usually drags him to a tell her phase -he then doesn't and punishes himself after until i calm him as i don't think we tell her yet - i hope in fact when kids are teems as she'll have less input about who they meet and see. But he goes through really positive phases where he wants the house in the country and a dog as soon as possible!
i am happy as we are and it takes as long as it takes for the ex to be ok (ie; her in a relationship or more time passing by)
but when something triggers him he does into spiral where he feels that there is noway out. He panics and makes me the thing has has to change to take the stress away. He has done this before and when the anxiety goes away so do the feeling of helpnesses. Once he is out of panic role he becomes strong again and can see how to fix it and everything is great. I know it focuses on me not being allowed near kids but he sees me as the cause of stress and easiest thing to deal is get rid of me - he can;t see her attitude is what causes the stress.
in the past hes spoken directly to me and he calms down and relaxes. If is brewing with other things - money worry or job he comes to be and i calm him and we talk to through(I have done councelling coures so i use what i've learnt. He does the same with other things e.g. job-immediately starts aplying for others, flatmate - threatens to kick out, leaving any group chats. he usually puts out "an episode" of it quite quick. Its been two years since i was the focus of his last "wobble" as he refers to it later and it took about 4/5 days.
This one is lasting longer than any before which freaked me out but it is changing. What he's saying: Day1: I must do this, its the right think to do, you create conflict and wouldn't take a phone call.
D4: would speak on phone but not about the original breaking up text as he can't say it (thats new in previous time he has verbalised it) and agreed to putting it off for a month and texting if we want to.
D5: test saying no to texting and putting it off, but he misses me, the longer he goes on the less likely he is to stick to, hes really torn in 2 directions and we can leave things fora few weeks and dont text while waiting
So i think the signs are there that he's coming out of the spiral. Does that change any advice?

Five years and his ex doesn't know about you? surely I've misunderstood that... sorry to say but are you sure he's not still seeing his ex if that's the case?

This sounds a nightmare relationship. ExW pulling the strings and him not standing up to her? A recipe for disaster. I'd be concerned that he hasn't told her about you. Maybe they still have some sort of relationship? Happens a lot. I'd get out and find someone with a mind of their own.
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Wait, what? You’ve been together 5 years and your relationship is a secret?

Don’t waste any more of your life on this nonsense.