Please tell me what you think and what I should do

[feelinglost20188]

I've started recently seeing a guy from work. When I say seeing I mean we were friends and he made a move and we started sleeping together about 6 weeks ago. We see each other maybe once a week. We talk a lot and he's very sweet when we're together. When we're not he sends occasional lovey dovey messages. But I'm wondering if it's normal to just see each other once a week and message a few times?

I know that in myself I need much more contact than that but don't want to seem too needy.

Also some of my friends seem to think it's normal in the early stages to just see each other once a week and message a bit whereas others don't.

Do you think this is a bad sign? I can't help but think if he was really into me he'd make plans to see me more often.

From experience, it's rare you get a relationship from a starting point of casual sex. Or when you meet once a week is it to go on a date?

Yeh we go on dates. I don't feel like it is causal sex but maybe it is. We've never had a chat or anything about where we're going.

I think you need to talk to him.

It’s not needy to want to know where you stand, but if he says it’s just fun to him will you be happy with that? If not, walk away because you’ll end up very hurt.

I feel very sad about it all. Maybe I've done this all wrong. I do remember the first night though he said to me he thought having sex without emotions to the person was a bad idea and he'd done that before which made it sound like he felt he did have emotions for me

I think it’s up to you if it’s normal or not. I’ve had relationships where I’ve only seen them once or twice a week but they, and me, were happy with this arrangement. Although I do think it was obvious to both parties it wasn’t a serious relationship.

I do think tho, if he was serious and was thinking serious relationship and wanting more, he wouldn’t just see you once a week.

If you want more I think a sit down and a chat is in order, it’s not needy to want to know his intentions and if they match yours. Saves a lot of hassle in the long run

Not sure if this will bode well for you...

Chances are hes just happy keeping it as is.
Just be upfront and ask where its going.

how long have you been together? I would say don't ask where you stand with him, but TELL HIM where HE stands with YOU. Tell him you like him, not into other guys, want to move this forward, does he want the same thing? If the answer is yes, then good, if it is a no or a maybe let's see etc, then you can decide if you want to continue.

And after 6 weeks of sleeping together, once a week and working together seems to casual to me. I met my DP at work and we started very casually, but we were practically spending every second night together and a lot of time on the weekends too. But I was the one who told him that I was in love with him, and he was very happy and relieved.

Yeh. I feel a bit like a fool. I always think I want a fling and that's what I wanted in the beginning here too (never said that to him though just thought it and because he made the first move I thought he was more into me than me him) but I think I'm just not one of those people who is able to have a fling and enjoy it for what it is. I become far too invested and needy and attached.

Don't beat yourself up for your feelings changing. Maybe next time you see him, meet up in a neutral place, say that you don't want it to continue the way it has been and see what his response is.

If he only wants to have sex then you can walk away early knowing you weren't more invested. If he wants to take things further, great

There is no shame in developing feelings. You didn't intend on marrying him on your first date, so what? Now you have got to know him and have new feelings. Just don't play games, who was into who etc, take your power in your hands, be proud, you are offering something great to him (if you actually want to be with him), you are the prize and he should be lucky and honored to have you. Go with that mindset, head held high, and if he doesn't want to, so be it. You will free yourself up to meet someone else.

I'm not sure what you are blaming yourself for. You have a nice relationship with him, but you would like to see him more often. Ask him what he thinks about seeing each other twice a week maybe. If he doesn't want to, then it's up to you to decide if you are happy enough as you are or not.

If someone wanted to have a chat about where we were going after 6 weeks I'd run a mile. Are you dating or FWB?

I don't know. Neither of the s have said anything about it. I have never had a FWB and when we're together it does feel very lovey. Is this not how people start off dating? I feel so clueless.

It depends what you mean by made a move. I don't think it's usual to start off dating by having sex with a colleague then going out once a week with them. Are you exclusive or seeing other people?

Im not seeing anyone else. And I don't think he is either.

When I say made a move I mean he said to me "is it weird if I kiss you?" And then he did.

I’m married to my FWB so I’m probably not the best placed to offer advice, but please speak to him. You need to know either way.

How did you go from FWBs to married?

I wanted more, he didn’t at he time so I walked away. We got together properly about a year later and have been together since.