Sorry to be vague. I will explain as best I can.
I have a highly toxic ex-MIL whom I have distanced myself from over the last couple of years. I'm divorced and we don't see her son. We have some association through marriage and live in a small town where everyone is related in some way.
This person seems to be your best friend when the chips are down, but any success makes them furious and they will try to sabotage it. I'm talking telling you you aren't clever enough for uni, persuading you you're too incompetent to do a job. Basically, anything I want to do which will benefit my family, she will try and put me off.
I've tried to withdraw and give her nothing of my life or my kids and had succeeded for a couple of years but I utterly fucked up today. I came down from my bath to find her in my living room. She had made my autistic child let her in, and been sat there 20 mins on her phone, using my wifi. This person has form for going through my personal stuff, phone, computer, the works. I have tried to keep everything from her as she will save that information in her mind and use it either as gossip fodder or to use against me. She is particularly threatened by people having more money than her, so any income details are of huge interest to her. She will often ask how much I have saved, or 'where's all your money gone'. She's on benefits, but quite savvy with money and owns her small home. She can't get on with people below her, because she'd have to pay for them. But she won't make friends who are richer, because she's jealous. So she goes from family members house to house, bitching about other people's shortfalls.
I'm fuming she'd not tell me she's in my house, I feel quite violated (I'm probably being OTT but it's the lack of boundaries.) I'd arranged for her to come tomorrow, but I don't want her to now. Years ago, she'd stop for a week at a time and I hated it but couldn't find the nerve to say no. She never sleeps now.
Then, worse, and my own fault, I ended up somehow talking about my son's school success, and what I had done today, etc and realised exactly why I had stopped. She made a comment about how education isn't worth anything as people like 'us' are nothing and there's no point bothering. My kids are 'council house kids' and that's their level. She is extremely angry and bitter at others' successes. Fell out with a friend because she'd got another friend. Got annoyed with a neighbour with a 'posh' friend because she can't be arsed with stuck up people-they got the good life and hers wasn't. I am educated and don't earn brilliantly for health reasons, but have a status job. She often says I think I'm better than everyone else, and that I'm a snob, etc. I'm really not at all.
What should I do to take control back? It's not a person I can never see without total awkwardness. It may be easier to let them come tomorrow then set boundaries again Monday but then I'm pissed off I've given it. The only problem is that any drama feeds her huge dramatic victim tantrums.
She lies compulsively, for no apparent reason, puts the phone down mid conversation but that's 'just her'. Her friends are going away in the summer and I'm scared she'll dump herself here so I could do with advice too.
Thanks in advance.