Started relationship counselling but thoughts of practicalities of separation keep creeping in

[HostaToFortune]

DH and I have started relationship counselling but in those small moments to myself thoughts of what it would be like if we separated keep creeping in. I really don’t want that; I’m committed to working on our relationship for a number of reasons - we have two small children, the oldest of whom would be completely crushed by breaking up and we also work together so that’s a shitstorm that’s best avoided.

There genuinely aren’t huge issues in our relationship, but consistent, unresolved niggles. I have been through a tough 6 months at work and, having come out the other side, I feel almost like a different person. This has, indirectly, lead to the need for relationship counselling but has also made me think deeply about what I want.

Is it normal to have these thought about what if? A lot of it would be pretty shitty and its in my nature to think about the what ifs of what would happen if we felt our relationship couldn’t be salvaged. I feel miserable just for allowing these thoughts in, like I’ve pre-determined the outcome of the counselling.

Am I allowed to do a hopeful bump?

I would say that's normal. Depending on your relationship and the counselling, it might be worth sharing and exploring those thoughts together. Whatever you decide to do down the line, I still think relationship counselling or coaching is helpful as it'll help you not just with making a decision, but with (hopefully) agreeing best way forward.

It was through relationship counselling that I realised that divorce (yes, with small children) was the best way forward for us - I could either accept exH and what he could offer our relationship as it was and give up on trying to change him....or decide that I wanted more for me and our children. I clearly chose the latter and because it was explored fully, have had zero regrets. It's been liberating. Best wishes to you, whichever way you go...x

I’m guessing it’s your ‘gut’ feeling or maybe your subconscious kicking in...?

Keep at the counselling and try and keep an open mind - if you can.