Can someone with experience of this talk to me. Have known the couple for a very long time, almost two decades.
Originally they were both separate friends of mine who I introduced
He was a great friend a really nice guy and we were really close. I was happy to set him up. For 5 years all was well. I maintained separate friendships with both and also saw them together.
And then we all started growing up and having adult lives and being busy and then they got married, and everything changed.
The most time I've spent alone with her since then and it's been YEARS is about 15 minutes.
He simply will not allow me to have contact with her without him and continuously pulls the "we were friends first" card. Whereas me and him have gone out without her.
Every attempt I have made to see her separately from him has been rebuffed or cancelled
What has come through LOUDLY is that she would but "DH would be upset" or "DH feels left out" or "why don't you go with DH instead of me, he doesn't have many friends"
Additionally years ago, I found out he was out a particular night in the week regularly so I rang then. She asked me not to do it again as it would upset him.
Another friend had a Hen and she didn't come she said it was the money but I suspected it was the being alone with me
Once when he was out of earshot she just looked at me wearily and said "it's not worth the aggro"
He's very controlling and I worry about unseen emotional abuse. I think he doesn't want me to be alone with her because she'd tell me what he's really like and I'd tell her to leave, I don't think she would actually leave due to cultural reasons but there are just huge red flags but no proof I can't even text her and ask as he has form for reading texts
This happened YEARS ago but is illustrative of the issue. I went to visit them and when I arrived he was hostile and rude and I mouthed WTF? At my friend. He'd been in major shit at work and had been reprimanded. She told me how unfair this was. He went upstairs and she hastily told me it WAS all his fault but he wouldn't accept it and she had to play along.
Additionally he's judgy and condescending in conversation and will, if you don't let him "win" mutter under his breath to give himself the last word. If he has got something wrong, but you're right, he will persistently correct you with the wrong thing.
I surprised myself one day when his name came up with someone from Back In The Day
I said without even thinking "He doesn't respect the opinions of women"
She stopped short and looked at me as though a light had come on and said "you're right"
It sounds worse than our actual encounters are written down but he's turned from a really good friend I loved to a petty, pedantic, controlling, whinging, professional victim little dictator that I have to suffer if I want to see my friend.
Sorry this is long and I may get it moved to 30 days but has anyone experienced this in RL and how did you cope?