My upbringing...

[ArnoldBee]

So I'm 40 years old and it seems amongst my friends we were brought up in a similar fashion ie. Be polite, be responsible etc.
Examples of these include being employed, not dying hair unnatural colours, tidying your pots when you leave a cafe and generally being stable.

I see others around me that don't conform and to be honest it's really getting me down. They appear to be able to do as they please without any consequences and I have to say it's not fair anymore.

Some people don’t know any better though. I know people who don’t know any table manners for instance. I also met people at my prep (listed as one of the best in the country and VERY hot on manners) that purposefully had bad table manners to “rebel”. They didn’t know any better either!

Being employed is great if you can do it, but obviously many people are unemployed at some time through no fault of their own. Dying your hair has nothing to do with anything :) and the rules for tidying up when you leave a café are different in different countries. In the UK it's normal to leave cups on the table, for example, so there is usually no clearing-up rack for customers to do it, and staff's routine would be disturbed if you tried to give things to them over the counter.

If you are feeling down, maybe you are putting more pressure on yourself than is necessary, and wearing yourself out? If your husband is disabled that wouldn't help, either. Have you considered that you might be a little depressed?

Well, I was brought up to be polite, respectful, employed, clean up after myself... I was also brought up to learn to take joy in life, to know that conformity in everything wasn't necessary to succeed and to go my own way and not pay too much attention to 'what people might think'. My mum was a teacher in Holland, where there is no uniform and where teacher dress codes are very relaxed. She used to work in jeans and crazy tie-dye tops. Her results spoke for themselves.

The trick is to work out which principles really matter and which ones don't. I think learning a little bit of mild rebellion will do you the world of good and will bring a little joy to your life - but don't stop being polite, employed and considerate!

pointythings You sound lovely

[chauncey] thank your . Thing is, the OP does too - she's just confused about what life should be. 40 is a good time for evaluating life so far and making a few happy changes!

OP - it sounds like you're now questioning your priorities and responsibilities.

What do you feel that you've missed out on?

I had always done the sensible thing, saving, pensions, mortgage etc. One day I just felt like I was missing out on life, took a month off work (I didn't quit, I wasn't that brave!) and went backpacking around Asia. That then gave me a different perspective & priorities, so life was different again when I got back.

The key is to think about what you'd really like to do and work towards it. Don't resent other people who've never felt stifled.