My ex and I split up 4 years ago. Technically it was mutual but his behaviour was so awful and at such a vulnerable period of my life (I had a newborn and two older children, one with SEN) and his behaviour was so appalling, I just didn't have the energy to fix the relationship any longer. The truth is, he wanted out as much as I did. Maybe because he'd met someone else. He screenshotted her Facebook picture 6 months before we split (as he did to other women) to wank to and I found it via snooping, 1 week before giving birth to our youngest. He claims that he didn't start seeing her until the following year, after we split as she lived and worked abroad. This somewhat checks out as true but it wouldn't surprise me if there had been a one-nighter before they re-ignited contact.
Anyway, what started off as casual became serious and they are together now and finally making plans to move in. Entirely fair enough and I think she has been very patient with with whilst he's faffed about all this time. She been kept completely out of the kids life (his decision not mine) and his selfishness regarding contact has ensured that they've been able to build a nice relationship together, unencumbered by many responsibilities.
What's triggered me recently, is an old mutual friend sending out his wedding invites. He's invited my ex +1 and then a separate invite for just me. So even if I did have a date for the occasion, I'm not allowed to bring one, whereas he is.
This means that for the first time ever, I will have to be in a room alone with him and her. I have nothing against her personally but I feel so shitty about myself that I'm not sure I can handle it. You see, in every sense of the word, my ex has upgraded me.
I am 3 stone overweight because of a medical condition (on its way to being cured but unsure if enough weight will have come off by the time of the wedding). I have a dead end job that I might be being made redundant from soon. Due to a shitty childhood filled with neglect and sexual abuse, my education stopped at 15 years old. I attempted to make it up and got halfway through a degree but could not afford to continue due to finances. I have three kids, no spare time, terrible taste in men (keep meeting abusers), not much family support, live in a falling down rental and just generally have absolutely NOTHING going for me. My ex does what he wants and has free time and a disposable income. Thus he has been able to cultivate a nice new relationship. I however, have nothing to bring to the table and am preparing to feel utterly humiliated in front of all our friends, who will no doubt secretly be comparing me and this woman (because that's human nature ain't it)?! Sorry for the sob story- sadly it's all true.
This is her;
-She’s keeps fit and groomed and has a good figure
-Has a well paid job
-Is well travelled
-Has no dependents so is flexible and more fun
-Is well educated (privately no less) to degree level
-Speaks several languages
-Comes from a loving, supportive family
-Is wealthy
-Doesn’t have any nasty habits or debilitating illnesses
-Better sex life
-Would probably be a better girlfriend/mother
-More houseproud
-More mature
-and the rest...
Apparently the only things I "beat" her at, are (according to my ex);
-I have a prettier face
-I'm funnier
-I'm kinder/more polite to people
That's it! That's all. I don't even come close. And how pathetic to think this way anyway.
This woman is so top notch in comparison to me and I just can't stand it. I don't even want my ex back. He was abusive. I'm not sure how his business or what he gets up to should bother me so much. But I just feel like absolute shit. 😞 His own family wasn't worth the effort because of this chic and I can see why - she must truly be something else.
I shouldn't envy her - he has cheated on her repeatedly already. Poor girl. But I just feel like a huge, embarrassed piece of shit. And that someone as scummy as my ex gets all the luck and makes me look like a loser.
Sorry for ranting. Absolutely pathetic I know...