Feeling inadequate

[Prettyugly]

So I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 months. All been going well, we’ve met each other’s family and I’m pretty smitten to be honest.

Today, we went to a family dinner at his mum’s. I was having a really lovey time until his sister made a comment about his ex. To the effect of “so nice to see Prettyugly actually eats. ExG was such a pain that way. Yes she was gorgeous but what a dull life it is to only have your looks”.

I know she didn’t mean to but it really upset me. He doesn’t really talk about his ex. But I have seen photos of her on his fb photos history. She is absolutely stunning. And I am not. I’m ok looking, but I think guys tend to go for my personality more than my looks. And I’ve always been quite insecure about that.

From what my boyfriend has said, he was completely knocked out by her looks as she really is very, very beautiful. Like movie star beautiful. But he has also said, not in a mean way but quite matter of factly, that he was in love with her looks rather than because of a real connection. But it took him a couple of years to realise it.

She was actually very insecure and clung onto my boyfriend because he is stable and intelligent and a very lovely man.

I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help feeling inadequate. Wondering if he thinks of her when we’re naked and whether he misses being with a beautiful woman.

Looks will fade the older she gets.. Personality doesn't. You will always have it.

I don’t know. Incredibly beautiful young women just become incredibly beautiful older women. Older, yes, but still beautiful. Whereas I’ll always be pretty average looking with a good personality. And let’s face it, most men would go for looks over personality. My boyfriend did once too. And I suppose what I’m afraid of is that he might get his head turned by a stunner. He’s also the better looking one of the two of us.

Looks don't keep people. If you are dull being pretty doesn't make you less dull. People might tolerate yoy more but they will eventually get bored.

They broke up because he realised that he only loved her for her looks. He is clearly looking for something more from a relationship which he has found with you. I really wouldn't feel too insecure about that. Quite the opposite in fact

As a bloke, I feel I have to agree with the above: whilst looks might turn heads when you're young and naive, they become pretty irrelevant pretty quickly if there's no chemistry. And chemistry most definitely doesn't have anything to do with looks. As you get older you clock that more and more and it could be your boyfriend - having dated this woman and decided to let her go - has learned this lesson only too well! You could conceivably argue he's less likely to be turned by a "stunner" in the future because of it!

To turn this on it's head, it's often said that women are less swayed by looks than men. However, experience has shown that they are often swayed by height - research has shown that guys over six foot find it easier to attract the opposite sex. Painfully enough, my exW herself admitted what particularly attracted her to her OM was the fact she felt like a midget next to him (and at 5ft 10 its not as if I was shorter than her myself!) So ask yourself: are you likely to have your head turned from your boyfriend should a guy who's taller than he is show interest? If not, ask yourself why not? And then apply the same rationale to your boyfriend.

At the end of the day, there will always be people who place the shallow above the deep. But such folk are probably best avoided. If they pass on you, you've had a lucky escape.

Thanks guys, you’re making me feel better just by putting things into perspective.

He so often says how lovely I am. Not beautiful. Lovely. And sometimes I wish he would call me beautiful. Even if I’m not! I know. I’m being an idiot!