No sex for nearly 2 years

[Frustrateddaddy]

A little background here:
Me and my wife had a fantastic sex life, spontaneous, often and even trying swinging places. I used to have a small.porn addiction (ie. I had to masterbate at least 2 times a day) but meeting her , she helped me over come that and I felt I was alot more healthy sexually.
So a few months after we got married she got pregnant but had a very horrible pregnancy in and out of hospital and very sick so more or less didn't have sex during the pregnancy. Now that the baby is a year old I feel so frustrated that we are not intimate anymore l. She will hug and kiss me but she won't be sexual with me at all. She gets angry if I sexualized her boobs but I get it's because she's breastfeeding a lot!

I don't know how to talk to her about it without making her feel pressured to do stuff with me, but at the same time all my urges are back I have no time by myself at home so I find myself masturbating at work every single day in the toilets or in the middle of the night when she's asleep. Shes got free time as shes at home all the time but when we have an hour alone I get sadthag she doesn't want to touch me.
How would you approach talking to her about it?

Do you ever have date nights or time without your child? Be affectionate with her; try to build a stronger emotional connection and say you miss the intimacy; not just sex.

She gets really anxious leaving the baby so can't relax too long away. Which I don't mind ad I get time to myself to go oout to the cinema etc. We are affectionate but the minute I go to be sexual she pulls away. ...

Wait it out. She’ll want a second child soon - only one way for that to happen!

But seriously - why are you leaving her to go out alone? I think you need to work on reconnecting with her given your new life roles

Stop wanking in the loos at work. That's grim.

Make sure you're doing your fair share of housework and child care. Does your wife get time to herself too? (At home with a toddler doesn't count).

Christ I'm tired enough with this one. We are only sticking with one.

We do connect, in all other ways we are almost the same as before but for some reason she just doesn't want to have sex. Not sure how much longer I csn take

Have you asked her what the problem is?
Breastfeeding really kills your sex drive - it’ll come back once she stops

Dont think id want sex with a man who wanks every day in work toilets ...

Why are you going out to the cinema when you could be home with your family and helping out your wife?! She's probably so resentful and knackered she can't see straight. No wonder she doesn't want to have sex with you.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanking in the toilets! But I do think you need to talk to your wife about this rather than just getting rejected by her. Two years is a long time to go without sex. Just talk to her and try to get her to open up

Nah, she's trapped at home with a demanding baby, that's not free time.

Yeah you see being with s baby free time and want to paw at her breasts you complain about no free time yet go to cinema alone and masturbate in the toilets having had a porn addiction mmmmm

Your wife is the breastfeeding mother of a young child - thousands of years of evolution have geared womens bodies & brains to behave in a way that puts that role first and foremost. Plus she's also exhausted ~ so perhaps you need to allow her to rest and feel human by doing all you can to pitch in with the shared responsibility of parenting and remember that being mother to a young child mean ssexual desire takes a MASSIVE hit. Don't be a jackass about this by making this all about you and your Penis ~ do NOT be THAT guy

I help and I go for walks with the baby so she has time on her own but she refuses when I mention any other time out for her (I suggested she go to the cinema, a meal out fuck I even offered to pay for a spa day!) But she says no.
I don't have the addiction anymore but I worry it will come back if this carries on. I mean it's a long time to not have sex with your own wife...

Forget the sex bit, try romancing you wife.

You need to look not touch, and show her how wonderful you think she is, things will change, please hang in there, a bit of self restraint now will hopefully lead you to an amazing 50 plus years of marriage.

Perhaps she isn't comfortable with her body post pregnancy and feels un-sexy? Breastfeeding and having your partner trying to touch your boobs is also a no-no (it was for me!!) gross thought when you're worried about leaking everywhere.

I know it's difficult to get out when your breastfeeding - but how about doing a nice evening at home? Cook a lovely meal, get her some lovely bath stuff to relax while you're getting it ready.

Avoid buying fancy underwear and clothes if she's feeling a bit sensitive, just get some lovely flowers or a nice bottle of her favourite perfume to make her feel special.

The problem is though you do all of this to get sex - so anything that you is a means to get it - do you see how that could be off putting

Hi OP

I hope you got what you were looking for here and weren't expecting too much sympathy!

A lot of important points from the female perspective above to help you understand where your wife is coming from. Hopefully that will help you deal with it sensitively.

However this is something that requires your wife to change as much as you as two years without any sexual contact is not healthy in any relationship where one partner has any sort of sex drive. Even after the birth of a child.

Remember that it is not wrong to want sexual intimacy in your relationship and it is also not wrong to expect your wife to expend some effort on your relationship. Children create a huge amount of needs that will inevitably take effort away from a relationship but zero effort (which is what your wife appears to be putting in) just isn't fair.

I can't recommend anything other than a frank discussion with your wife about how you are feeling (sensitively but be clear and assertive, not whiny) and how the current situation is damaging your relationship. Explain that even with a baby you need to maintain your relationship and need to find time to do that.

Yeah she had put on weight but I think she looks far sexier now. It was our anniversary last week and she didn't do anything physical with me (she claimed she felt sick but I don't think thag was true

OP are you reading the responses - the problem is you assume too much. its your anniversary - why should that mean sex its not an automatic thing that is what is causing the issue

Self denial is a very powerful thing. Master your body and control your desires. Be the master,not the servant. Its very empowering. Dont wank at work,you'll get caught.