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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Suitable for Freedom Programme?

5 replies

Dancer12345 · 11/07/2018 20:16

I’m not long out of a relationship of 5 years. The classic - at first everything was great, then there were odd comments / arguments, very sporadically, then more and more and in the last 6 months of the relationship things were worse.

When I say comments / arguments I mean things like:

  • telling me how attractive I USED to be
  • telling me I’m “over sensitive”
  • trying to restrict how much toilet paper I use due to cost
  • telling me the electricity bill has gone up because I have showers and use the kettle
  • blaming my cooking for his weight gain (we actually ate very healthily, only had takeaway once every few months, all home cooked meals with plenty of veg)
  • telling his child off and then blaming me for him telling them off
  • blaming me for things like HIM getting a speeding ticket because we’d gone to a shop I wanted to go to
  • telling his child not to worry as they’d “never have to see that bitch again” (me)
  • throwing something, allegedly not aimed at me, but it hit me and left a bruise of around 2 inches
  • telling me “you were sexually abused, so what, grow a f*cking pair and get over it”

I know this is abusive behaviour and I know I should have got out sooner, before anyone says. I always verbally stood up for myself whenever he made those comments and I never believed the things he said when he was blaming me or similar.

I’ve heard about the Freedom Programme but it says on their website things like stopping you seeing friends, controlling money, locking you in the house, etc. When I look at the yes/no statements, I only answer yes for one.

For those of you who’ve done The Freedom Programme, or know more about it, would it be suitable for me or not?

Thanks

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 11/07/2018 21:12

One yes is enough! And he is obviously verbally abusive. But he is also physically abusive: you have been bruised so don't minimise that. And he is financially abusive: restricting loo paper use ffs!
It doesn't matter if you don't believe him or stand up for yourself, his intent is the same: to make you feel like shit. He will continue to try and wear you down, until you do believe him and stop defending yourself.
At best get well away from him now, but definitely do freedom programme to help you see what he is trying to do. Then get away from him!

Flisspaps · 11/07/2018 21:18

I deliver the Freedom Programme.

My only criterion for participating in my group, as per my training, is that you are female. Whether you've experienced high levels of abuse, no abuse or are a perpetrator - I don't even ask the question.

If you tick a single yes, that's more than enough.

Dancer12345 · 11/07/2018 21:41

Thingsdogetbetter I've been out of the relationship for a few months now, so I'm away from it but I still think it would do me good to discuss it and get things straighter in my head. I should have got out sooner so I'm hoping the course will make me stronger and hopefully leave straightaway should something similar happen with someone else in future.

Flisspaps Thank you. I've had a look at the online course - is this the same content as the face to face course?

Thank you both for your replies.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 11/07/2018 21:56

The content is the same, but in a group you get the chance to get input from the other participants and and the facilitator, and the opportunity to give your own input and ask questions Smile

mogratpineapple · 11/07/2018 23:44

Controlling and abusive men are so common we don't even question it. The Freedom Programme should be taught at schools because it demonstrates what healthy relationships are like. Useful for males and females.

My daughter went on it and I am amazed at how good it is. A real eye opener.

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