He cheated....what do i do now

[Rosiepicnic]

My marriage has been limping along since having my DD 15 months ago. H has not coped well with things, its not been a good time but ive tried my best to try & fix things & be supportive when it seemed he was having some sort of breakdown.
Today, i found out he'd been cheating, probably for about 6 months. The woman knows hes married, they even discussed me in their conversations inbetween sending v intimate pics & vids to each other
So my marriage is over, that is for certain but im so worried about my DD & the effect it will have on her. How can i make sure shes ok? I have no idea what im supposed to do now. I dont know what the next move is. House & car in my name & can afford both without him so thats not an issue. How do you decide how much time they spend with them? Hes not the most attentive dad & DD has had a couple of minor bumps & injuries in his care & the thought of having to give shared custody makes me feel sick.
Sorry if im rambling, ive only found out today, my heads spinning & i dont have anyone in rl whos been through anything like this

Any advice appreciated!

Small steps. Legal advice first. It doesn't matter whose name house and car are in they will be considered marrital assess unless you had both a long time before marriage. So lawyer up asap and try to get settled asap while he's still feeling guilty.
If he is not the most attentive dad, it is unlikely he will want a lot of access. Shared custody is only considered if it is in the best interests of the child and what the child is used to. Who does the most care now? I'm presuming you as he hasn't coped well and has been spending his time having affair. Diarise for lawyer.
Try to breathe slowly and eat. Get real life support. Don't hit his choose and actions. Reach out to friends and family.
Dc is young, she will adapt! Worry about yourself and keeping yourself healthy and together and she will be fine!

The first thing you do is see a solicitor as soon as you can. You need to understand your legal position regarding the house, the car, and any other assets. Just because the house and car are in your name does not mean they aren't marital assets or that he can't try to claim a share. And just because they're in your name does not mean that you can kick him out and change the locks as it may be considered his 'legal residence'. Only a solicitor can tell you your legal position for sure.

And if you haven't already told him you know, you keep quiet until you've seen that solicitor. You want to know your position and get your ducks in a row before you say anything!

Thank you,
Ive already made the stupid mistake of telling him id screenshotted all the conversations & he then went on my phone & deleted it all, still trying to figure out if i can retrieve it as im not so tech savvy!

I work part time & provide most the childcare as he was working long days or so i thought.

Im kicking myself for showing my hand so soon, i just couldnt stand the thought of pretending everything was ok & sharing a bed.
I think first step tomorrow is legal advice

Doesn't matter that he deleted it...you know what you saw. You can bluff and tell him they've been stored on your back up folder or that the phone repair shop has retrieved ypur deleted items. Change your phone password too.

Bottom line...you know what you saw.

You don't need to provide proof to your lawyer in the UK, unless he contests the divorce. And he'd have to be a double shit head to do that. Then you cite unreasonable behaviour.
The minute he's out of the house get together all paperwork such as his pay slips and pension details, mortgage record etc. Something practical like that might be a good distraction from the thoughts you must be having.
Lawyer asap, if you think this can't be overcome. Record childcare times and dates. Who picked her up from nursery etc. Being prepared is half the battle.
Please ensure you eat, even if it's soup or biscuits and drink lots of water or sweet tea.

I'm so sorry OP. I went through something similar at the start of the year. Everything will feel overwhelming at first as your emotions are sky high, but it does get better.

There are apps that will retrieve deleted messages and photos.

Please look after yourself.

You don’t need the screen shots, you know he’s cheated and he knows you know!

Just sort the legalities out and only do what you feel comfortable doing with regards to your dc.

Have you got an iPhone? There’s a folder for deleted pictures, they stay there for a month I think.

If you don't have a password on your devices, get them on asap. ALL your devices!

Thank you everyone it really helps. My lovely DM & Dsis have been round to make sure im ok but theyre both happily married so are about as clueless as me at dealing with this!
No its not an iphone its samsung, its does have a password but he knew it. I dont think he would contest anything. I think he only deleted it to protect her 'modesty' not that i would have shared her pics with anyone

Try not to worry, just take it one day at a time. If you ask him to move out, will he? I’d suggest contact of one or two times per week initially (say weds tea and Saturday afternoon). You could suggest you stay if you can handle that. I separated from my H when DS was 10 months and they had very little relationship but we built up contact slowly (I stayed with them at first but tried to step back and let ex deal with DS). I’ll never regret giving him the opportunity to step up and be a dad and he now really is in a way he wouldn’t be if we were still together.

Try not to stress about DD, the best thing about her being so little is that you and her routine are her constant things. As long as she has those she will be fine and she won’t rememver you living together so it’ll all be normal to her. My DS is now 6 and so happy, well adjusted, doing great at school.

Go and see a solicitor and try and have all the financials written down ready - what he earns, what you earn, house value, pensions, savings, debt, etc.

If you have the cloud turned on, in settings on the gallery there is a recycle bin. Worth checking there in case.

Yes hes already left, practically skipped out the door ive spoke to a solicitor this morning but the soonest they could see me was the beginning of August, is that a normal timeframe? Or should i ring around?

Im trying my hardest to eat something but just feel so sick & i cant stop thinking over everything

Phone a few solicitors and get a feel for the best one for you.
Some off a free first half hour so ask about that too.

Eating is horrible.
I couldn't eat anything solid for weeks.
Sugary tea and ice-lollies got me through the worst of it.
You could try smoothies and soups as well.
Just keep hydrated and your sugar levels up.
The shock will hit you soon enough and you'll need your strength.

It's very early days and you are doing all the right things.
Get as much paperwork together as you can.
Mortgage info, marriage certificate (you'll need that for the divorce), any wages slips of his or proof of earnings, pensions, savings, account info.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
It's long horrible grieving process so be kind to yourself.