Hen night

[Bettyooops]

To cut a long story short,
I have been close friends with a girl I have know about 15 years. Her mum and future MIL have organised her a hen party which I had agreed to go too.
However I have just getting the details through and it is going to cost more what is in my budget and the money has to be paid by the end of the week. In all honestly, I haven’t got a massive budget as I am a single mum to a one year old and all my money is tied up in either the baby or bills/house.
I am so scared to let them down because I know how I would feel if one of my close friends let me down but I physically don’t know how I am going to afford it and I don’t want them footing my bill if I’m a no show.

I know I probably seem a bit like a drama queen but I feel sick with worry thinking about it all. I would also have to make my own way there and own way back as there is nobody there from my town and I don’t know any of the other ladies at all.
Anybody ever been in this situation or got any advice? Even though I don’t know what advice I’m asking 🙈
Thankyou for reading x

If they weren’t clear on the cost before it’s their problem not yours. Message the organiser and say you’re really sorry but you didn’t know it would be so much and you can’t afford that.

Can't you say you are ill, with something contagious? You are gutted you can't go, but doctor says you are contagious and you don't want to pass the illness on to the rest of the group

Yep "the feaks" is always a good excuse!

Why do people do this ! Organise something expensive and have a dress code ?! They just make it hard for some people, I organised a hen do - night in a hotel, a show and cocktail making with buffet for £68! We booked one thing at a time so everyone could afford it weddings are expensive enough without adding an expensive hen do too

Sorry forgot to add, if you go you will just be worrying about the expense then you wont enjoy yourself, just be as honest as you can regarding your finances.

Thanks again for all the replies!
I have an update..I eventually plucked up the courage to message my friends mum who has organised the whole thing. I was completely honest saying that I was really struggling financially at the minute and was really sorry I couldn’t make it. However could she send me my friends address so I could get some flowers and a bottle of fizz delivered..my way of saying that I was sorry for not making it. I heard nothing back except getting kicked out of the hen party group I was in with the other hens.

I then proceeded to message my “friend” and elaborate more about how much I was struggling and I had tried to get the money together but I would be left with nothing. I also asked her for her address and again got blanked.

I’m provably feeling sorry for myself and just generally shit (i suffer anxiety I am not a massive drama queen all the time 😂) especially with how worried I’ve been about disappointing her.
My cousin has also fell out with me too for not making her wedding at the weekend, which again was down to money and the fucking lack of it!

I think I’m just a bit upset that I wouldn’t cut someone off like that. But you live and learn I suppose! Thankyou again for all your replies. X

Don't apologise anymore. And dont explain anymore.

It would be stupid to go and cause yourself financial problems. You've got your priorities right for your current situation.
I guess money isn't a big issue to them so they won't get it.

If the bride to be makes contact invite her round for a meal /drinks your and talk her wedding all night. If she doesnt, it will hurt but I don't think you've done anything wrong.

No you wouldn't do that because you have empathy, and experience of money being an issue. They clearly lack both, as does your cousin. You have done nothing at all wrong, they have. You are better off without such unkind and self centred people.
Stick to people who genuinely care.

Well aren't you glad you didn't sink £100 you can't afford on a hateful person like that?

Shes an arsehole and so are her family

Someone I know had their hen recently. I declined due to cost. It ended up costing HUNDREDS! I declined at the point I thought it might go over £50. Tbh I think she was embarrassed when she found out, because other people must have been in the same boat (being unable to attend). Theres organising a nice day/weekend and then theres (IMO) being a bit selfish about it by doing it so that the cost is so prohibitive. One person paid about £300 THEN had to cancel because more was getting planned and they didnt have any more. So they wasted £300 for nothing.

Btw I went to the wedding. No one stopped talking to me. No one held it against me. Because theyre nice people! Just live in a fantasy land/come from a different world re finances.

Your friend isnt a friend. I wouldnt bother chasing or with flowers. How rude.

I have only recently learnt to make and communicate quick decisions in these types of situations. Always listen to your gut - say "No" quickly then no one is offended as you have left it too long and they have moved on, you are not worried for weeks and pulling out at the last minute. I have found that if I want to change my mind and join in then there is always a way. Your DC is your priority - not some logistically and financially crippling hen do.....