Self belief

[pinkpixie83]

Where does it come from?

How do you make yourself believe that you are worth something?

I'd say it all comes through reference experiences pixie.

Don't think you're worthy of being kissed? A kiss will change that.
Not worth dating? A few dates will fix that.
Not 'good enough' for a relationship? Well, a relationship will change that point of view.

Of course there are exceptions - any negative self-thoughts acquired during childhood are much harder to shift and probably require counselling of some description.

Thanks @Kinunir,

I think I don't believe any of it really. I just completely doubt my entire self

I'm sorry to hear that and I can't begin to understand how that must feel unfortunately.

Is there anyone IRL you can talk to about this?

It helps to become self-sufficient and not care what others think of you. I know easier said than done.

You are worth something OP. You are here, alive, you've made it. All the rest is just an story/experience, you have more power than you realise to make it what you want.

I think it comes from good enough parenting, and if you don’t have it you probably didn’t get good enough parenting - that’s my experience anyway. Therapy is helping correct it for me - having a therapist who consistently accepts me and tells me that I matter, that whatever I want to talk about matters. It’s slow work but then when you’ve missed out on 18yrs+ of having parents who give a shit about you on an emotional level it’s going to be slow work to correct it.

Perhaps Google ‘childhood emotional neglect’ and see if it rings any bells for you.

@pinkpixie83 I am like you in that I have no self-worth or self-esteem;
But like @Ellafruit1, I'm currently in talking therapy to undo some messed up thinkin, that all of my 40+ years I have been thinking of as "normal", which is the first hurdle to get over. (I wasn't abused or mistreated in any way, my parents didn't actively try and harm me, it was 'accidental' on their part. Still affected my quite seriously though.)

Also, although I accept my position is coloured by my experiences, I can't say I agree with Kinunir's comment that experiencing the thing makes you realise you are worth the thing. If I was worth (e.g.) being kissed, I'd be consistently kissed lots of times by lots of people - or at least the inclination would be there. But I am not, I am largely invisible, so in my mind, that adds up to me very definitely not being worth it.

What I'm trying to say (possibly very badly!) is that I get you, I understand how impossible it feels to try and imagine how life would be to have that confidence and self-assurance that you are worthy of the things you want to be. It's like trying to suddenly have faith in a god I think - it doesn't just happen in the blink of an eye. Working it all out and trying to resolve it is exhausting on so many levels.

For me it came from setting goals (even tiny ones) and achieving them.