Petty Husband

[Boobinator]

My DH is petty and it's grinding me down. It reminds me of the squabbles my younger brother and I used to have when we were children a lot of the time and it's killing the love and passion between us.

A few examples:

This morning, DH suggested that DC probably wouldnt need to wear his uniform today as there is a school event on. I said I wasnt sure that would be the case as I hadn't seen or heard it anywhere else. I went onto the school website to check. DH was correct. I told DH. DH smiles smugly and says "see I told you so didn't I." Continues to smile smugly and giggles. ???

I am BF and really hungry during cluster feeds so I've been eating biscuits whilst feeding. DH will then count how many I've had and make sure he consumes the same amount whether he's hungry or not. Everything has to be equal... even our weight gain apparently!

I miss a parking space and there is a big discussion about why I missed it, why I'm not going to turn around and park in it, why I'm parking in the one I'm in... yadda yadda.

I ask DH why he hasn't cleared his mess up in the lounge and he will resight a day in November 2007 when I didn't clear up my things.

It's all so draining and boring. It's constant tit for tat. His parents are exactly the same and he always told me how much he didn't want to become them before we married. We have become them.
I feel very little affection towards him and can't even bring myself to tell him I love him at times through frustration, even though I do still love him. He tells me he's depressed but won't do anything about it. I've even spoken to my own doctor for him who gave me a leaflet to give to him but he wont read it.

Ive invested a lot of time in taking care of my own,emotional mental health and wellbeing. But feel like DH is chiselling away, bringing me down with his petty bickering and point scoring. He also refuses to take care of his own wellbeing which I'm sure would help him stop this pettiness.

Any thoughts?

What do you want do about it?

I can see completely how this is grinding you down.

I don’t understand why he needs to eat the same number of biscuits as you do! That’s off the scale greedy and petty.

Ex used to not be able to stand if I had anything for me, he’d want it too regardless of whether it was something he liked or was interested in he had this major fear of missing out on something I was enjoying and he could have instead. He started doing it to the dc too, one time I remember vividly, he saw eldest dc eating crisps and took them for himself. Who does that?!

Guess this depends on how you want to live and how you see yourself in the future.

Start calling him by his df's name. ....

I told dh he was turning into his df. A moaning old git.
Also reminded him his dm ran off with another man because of this!

This morning, DH suggested that DC probably wouldnt need to wear his uniform today as there is a school event on. I said I wasnt sure that would be the case as I hadn't seen or heard it anywhere else. I went onto the school website to check. DH was correct. I told DH. DH smiles smugly and says "see I told you so didn't I." Continues to smile smugly and giggles. ??? Ask him straight why are behaving like a 5 year old with I told you so and giggles, all I said that I wasn't sure so there is no need for him behave like this.

I ask DH why he hasn't cleared his mess up in the lounge and he will resight a day in November 2007 when I didn't clear up my things I'd ask what the hell that has to do with the fact he hasn't cleared up HIS mess from today/yesterday. And then just look at him until he can give an answer.

And as for the biscuits I'd go into the kitchen and get another packet and give to him saying that as he is being petty and matching like for like with the biscuits I have eaten then he better eat that packet as well as I ate them during the day while he was at work. Or eat something I know he didn't like and make him some as well.

I'm betting he will only see his behaviour for what it is once it is put in plain sight.

Mind you I be telling him his petty childish behaviour is making me think twice about continuing this relationship because I already had 2 children and didn't want or need a XX manchild on top.

Oh OP, I think you've married my ex-husband. I'd strongly suggest you ask him to leave before you're tempted to run him over/other similar grisly end.

Obviously that was a joke but my exH really made me so frustrated, angry and demoralised that I just wasn't myself any more.

I don't know your situation, but you need to remove this man-child from your life - even temporarily to see how you feel without his constant nonsense. Can he go to a friends/family for a weekend or so?

Start calling him by his df's name
I was going to suggest just this ^^

Honestly - every single time!

"see I told you so didn't I." - Yes Gordon (df's name), you sure did. Well done you (head tilt and sweet smile)

Counting out the biscuits - You alright there Gordon? Are you sure that is exactly the same amount that I had? Wouldn't want you to go short now would we Gordon!? (head tilt and sweet smile)

'why I'm not going to turn around and park in it' - Because, Gordon, I'm driving and I'll decide where I park (head tilt and sweet smile)

he will resight a day in November 2007 when I didn't clear up my things - Alright Gordon, no need to harp back to 11 years ago when I didn't clean up 'once' just get on and do it please Gordon (head tilt and sweet smile)

etc.........

This is a worrying post, please speak to a professional, sounds like emotional abuse and is not healthy at all

I'd have a read of the Lundy Bancroft book. He sounds like Mr Always Right

oh good god. he's making me angry and I'm not married to him. My ex always thought he was right too. he often wasn't.

I had this in Aldi car park this morning. Rather than get upset I asked him " if he went to bed last night being an arsenals, or is that the way he awoke "?

He was momentarily shocked, but burst out laughing.

Thanks to Mn I have re-jigged my dynamics with him.