Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

36 weeks pregnant and out on my ear

17 replies

amilosingitor · 11/07/2018 00:49

I feel sick. Everything's kicked off. I'm on my mums sofa wondering what the hell im going to tell my children who will be devastated and try to keep it together because I'm pregnant. I have nothing and no way of getting somewhere to live. I don't want to be here anymore I really really don't.

OP posts:
JustHavinABreak · 11/07/2018 00:53

I'm here if you want to tell me what's happening

Arum51 · 11/07/2018 00:58

Another late-night mumsnetter here. Tell us what's going on, even if it's just to vent.

marthastew · 11/07/2018 01:01

Me too. What happened? Thanks

SkivingSnackbox · 11/07/2018 01:02

What's happened op? We're all listening Flowers

Original poster
amilosingitor · 11/07/2018 01:02

Had a lot of problems with my ex. My current partner can't cope with it and whilst I've been at work tonight he's gone home (we live with his parents) drunk himself into a stupor, destroyed our bedroom and I've come home from work to his mum telling me he doesn't love me and to move out and how it's all "both of our faults" when I do nothing but try, I forgive his every wrong doing, I put up with no end of shit and it's me who has to lose it all. We're supposed to be going away this weekend and I've now got to tell me kids we aren't and that we also have nowhere to live. I start my maternity leave this week. I have nothing. I have no money and no way of getting somewhere to live. And how do you just move on and get over something when all your choices are taken away? None of this is what I want. I support him through thick and thin and I'm boiling hot, heavily pregnant on my mums sofa crying my eyes out wondering what the hell im going to do. I didn't my children to do this alone or to give them up half the time for the clearly deadbeat dads.

OP posts:
Original poster
amilosingitor · 11/07/2018 01:11

I don't want to break my children's hearts. They've been through so much already Sad

OP posts:
marthastew · 11/07/2018 01:18

I'm so sorry. How old are your DC? Are they with you at your Mum's?

Original poster
amilosingitor · 11/07/2018 01:22

They're 7 & 9. No they're at their dads. They were due back on Friday to come away for the weekend. I don't know not to carry on. They and I have been through so much, it was supposed to be better now but it's getting worse and I don't have any strength left.

OP posts:
Arum51 · 11/07/2018 01:26

Yes, where are the kids?

Google your local housing office, because you need to ring them in the morning. You are homeless, pregnant, and have children, so you're top of the housing list. Does your LA have something like HomeChoice? It's the database of all the available council/housing association houses in your area. You are going to have to register and start bidding on properties. You are also going to have to sort your benefits out immediately. Ring Women's Aid in the morning, you need emotional and practical support.

That's the practical stuff out of the way. I'm so sorry, this is an awful situation to be in. However, it does sound as if you've had a lucky escape in some ways, your partner does not sound like someone who should be around you. Flowers

smithsinarazz · 11/07/2018 01:26

Hi love. I haven't got much good advice, but - well, you don't need a guy who'll drink himself into a stupor and kick you out in your condition. Wanker. You're best off without him.

And, you know, this keeps on recurring in my life - people saying "So-and-so's such a twat, and whenever things go wrong his mum always seems to think he can do no wrong" (Or: his dad). Spoilt, grown-up toddlers who never learn to respect women because they've never been told No. Tossers.

Congratulations on your baby. Big hugs xxx

Arum51 · 11/07/2018 01:26

Can't you go away without your partner?

MyNameIsAlexDrake · 11/07/2018 01:27

Can you stay with your mum meantime and your kids do 50/50 with you and their dad? I know it's not a solution but might be the best until baby is here?

marthastew · 11/07/2018 01:31

I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you don't have any strength left.

Is there anyone who can help you sort things out? Can you all stay at your mum's for a bit?

Has your partner got drunk and smashed up things before?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 11/07/2018 05:59

You absolutely do not want to be bringing a baby into a relationship with a guy who gets drunk, smashes the place up and sees you chucked out and sleeping on a sofa while no doubt he’s curled up in his nice cosy bed at his mummy’s house. What a twat. And as for his mother trying to place (some of) the blame on a heavily pregnant mother. They all sound useless.

Dry your eyes. This is time for you to take control and do what’s best for your kids and baby.
As others have asked: could you still go away with your kids? Could your mum, another relative or a friend go with you? Could you postpone the holiday?
In terms of living arrrangements, can the kids stay at their Dad’s for the moment while you arrange alternative accommodation?
First of all though you need to head to your local council offices and declare yourself homeless (which you are). As a vulnerable pregnant woman you will be treated as a priority. Get yourself round there first thing this morning.
All this can be sorted - don’t despair but get cracking. You are well rid of the tosspot bf - you should not be putting up with ‘no end of shit’ and ‘forgiving his every wrong doing’. You should be being supported and treated with kindness.

Original poster
amilosingitor · 11/07/2018 07:20

The trip was with him and his family. His mum told me to just "tell the kids it's been cancelled" I've just finished a long long court battles with the kids dad, so letting on anything to him won't be beneficial to me right now. They should be with him until Monday but we changed plans because of this trip. It just breaks my heart to let them down. I could probably afford to take them to a caravan for the weekend instead but I don't feel up to it in my state. I'm heartbroken. I have no friends. I'm just alone, which to be fair, I should be used to the way things have been recently.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/07/2018 07:27

Presumably your priority is to go to the council to try and sort out accommodation, presenting yourself as homeless?

Your now ex sounds awful Thanks

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 11/07/2018 13:23

Ok well if the holiday is not possible that’s a shame but your long term plans for your children and your unborn child are more important. Holidays can come later.
Please declare yourself homeless at SS as soon as you can. Your bf’s mother sounds awful - who would deprive children whether biologically related or not of a holiday they were looking forward to but, it is as it is, and you have to take charge now. I know it’s hard and I know you are exhausted and tired but you can do this.
Leave your children with their Dad for the time being and see what you can get organised between now and when they are due back with you.
Do you have a midwife/ health visitor? Anyone who can offer some support and guidance?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.