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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Leaving DH, no ducks to put in a row, anyone got any positivity as I'm feeling really low.

5 replies

RhodeRunner · 10/07/2018 21:15

I'm in the process of working out how to leave.
The underpinning problem is that my family unit doesn't work because of:
a) competing needs of 4 differently autistic children.
b) a husband who makes things worse and doesn't value or respect me.
c) possibly that I've finally found my voice and realised that compliant wife is not the role I want.
d) I'm really bloody miserable.

I'm going to CAB next week to find out what I can or can't do.

I'm on meds for anxiety, which have helped me to take stock, and I realise that I can't/don't want to do this any more.

My ideal plan would be to move (current house, which we own, is tiny) with the three younger DC leaving the older child (who works) with DH.
I would hope it would make managing the mix of needs easier as both DH and I would have more of a break.

Has anyone done similar?
I'm swinging between feeling excited about it and feeling in the depths of despair as I don't know whether financially this is possible.

OP posts:
7to25 · 11/07/2018 07:52

Are you sure you would get any break?
Is it not the case hat your life is shit and you would just have more and different shit while he is handed a get out of jail card?
I don't know the answer. How would things improve?

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 11/07/2018 07:54

Have you need to any counselling together?

RandomMess · 11/07/2018 07:57

You won't be able to make him have contact with the DC...

How will you afford to rent a home?

Rainbowqueeen · 11/07/2018 09:03

Good luck with your CAB meeting. I hope they are able to point you in the right direction.

I have no experience with your situation but I wish you all the luck in the world Flowers

RhodeRunner · 11/07/2018 13:21

I'm pretty sure he wouldn't not want to see the dc, so we would both get more peaceful time. Obviously there's a chance this won't work out, but the way things are right now is horrible for everyone in the house, so staying put isn't really an option.

I'm hoping I'd be able to claim housing benefit. I can work at the moment (carer for one of my children), but staying is damaging everyone.

I've thought about marriage guidance, but at the moment I'm not sure it would help as it's the circumstances as well as us that's not good. Plus DH tends to stick his head in the sand and zone out.

OP posts:
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