How soon can you fall in love and how do you know?

[Chelsea26]

Just interested in opinions... I don’t believe in love at first sight because you can’t know what they’re like as a person. Lust at first sight, yes, Love at first sight, nope!

So how soon do you think you can fall in love?

Depends on how often you see them. I'd say three months.

Seeing frequently.

How long is a piece of string really. I fell in love with my H very quickly. Not in an ideal situation as I was still getting over another relationship so it all felt very quick but it was just so right. We got engaged and married very quickly too. Still together after 13 years.

Yeah that’s a good point, it’s got to be more about number of meetings rather than length of time...

I guess it depends on the person and history. For example if you aready know someone well, maybe it wont take so long. And also, some people are very "ready" to feel it. For me, probably a year or two depending on the level of contact, etc. Depends on how you define it, really.

About 2 weeks for me, but we were seeing each other every single night and I was pregnant within 2 months, living together within 7 months.

It’s funny isn’t it? 2 weeks is quick but 14 dates doesn’t sound outrageous!!

And I suppose that’s the other question dirtybadger how do you know when it’s Love?

Also I really enjoyed typing dirtybadger

I knew about six weeks in that I was falling in love but we were together over six months before we told each other.

I don't think it's an in/out, on/off question. I think 'falling in love' happens in hindsight and in reality love develops over years. I met dp when we were 18 and I remember the moment vividly, I think if I wanted to I could remember it as falling in love, but that's because we have spent the subsequent 20 years together and really been in love over the years IYSWIM.

glad to amuse with my name!

Exactly. It clearly doesnt mean the same to everyone. And no one can understand it for someone else. Personally I dont talk about love outside of a flippant context (i.e. I dont tell family, dp, etc, that I love them but I will say I love chocolate). Im sure I have the same feelings for them as anyone else, but choose to use different language and struggle to identify with "love" as such, and the sentimental and romantic notions associated with it. But I accept that its probably very weird to be like that. In the same way some people are very emotionally open and vulnerable (not necessarily in a negative sense) and develop a strong attachment much quicker.

I knew quickly. I think Dh and I said I love you after a couple of weeks (seeing each other frequently) and were engaged within 3 months. Married a year after our first date. Still very happily married 16 years on.

I think it totally depends on the context and where you are in life. When I met my husband I was not looking for a relationship at all. I’d had a few crappy relationships end in the couple years prior and was fed up and just wanted a break from all that drama. I gave up my job and my flat and moved abroad to take a new job. I would say it took 6 months from when we first started dating to realise I was in love with him. He was lovely and kind and dependable and so unlike anyone I’d ever dated before, but I really just thought it would be a casual thing until we both moved home (we weren’t even from the same country). My head just wasn’t looking for love, so it took awhile to see it for what it was. By the time I realised I truly loved him, we also both sort of realised we were in this for the long haul. So it all went from casual dating to love to planning a life together in about a month (after 6 months of seeing each other probably 5 nights out of 7). But I think it was a very unique situation. We went through several really traumatic events together (we were attacked, near miss of being involved in a terrorist attack, the general stress of living in a developing country, etc). That probably isn’t normal in most relationships, so it definitely accelerated things once we realised how we felt. A decade later and 2 kids and still very happy. I think I knew when I realised if I had to go through horrible shit like that again in my life, I knew I’d want to go through it with him.

I’m a bit closed as well and I look back and sometimes wonder if I’ve ever been in love.

This is after a series of long term monogamous relationships including a 13 year long one (9 years married). I liked my husband and wanted to be with him and have kids etc but I can’t remember ever feeling swoopy and soppy or needing him at all. Same with my other boyfriends, I just don’t think I feel like that ever...

I’m in a new relationship now and he’s talking about ‘falling’ and I’m saying he’s being ridiculous after 6 weeks but maybe it’s my problem

There's a thing called alexithymia. Or condition? Anyway, check it out.

DH and I had a bit of a Darcy/Lizzie relationship when we first met and it certainly wasn't love at first sight
But after about 4 months, I really warmed to him and realised i was falling hard and fast for a man I'd previously disliked

I would feel the same @chelsea26
I think you have to be with someone compatible. Ive known DP since childhood so he understands Im not going to gush over him, and that it would make me uncomfortable if he did so early on. Someone who is more emotionally demanding wouldnt suit my personality.

I also suit relationships with lower levels of contact. That slows things down- seeing someone once every few weeks is going to limit how quickly you develop any strong feelings for someone, versus seeing them twice a week. I hear of stories of people seeing each other almost every day early on- my dear of a nightmare. Of course they will know one another better after 6 months than if you are going out for fortnightly or weekly dates.

When you meet someone new that you really really like and are sexually attracted to, you get this feeling that you are “falling” in love. This is infatuation/limerance/lust etc. We are encouraged by romantic films, books, TV and friends to believe in this romantic fantasy “love”.

Enjoy this lovely time, it’s great, but don’t worry about whether it’s love or not until you’ve had your first few arguments, compromises, challenges, etc. If you still like him after those, then you’ll know.

Love this comment ♥

@dirtybadger I'm exactly like you. Daily phone calls and seeing each other early on should feel forced and make me uncomfortable. I need time and space to reflect on how I feel and prefer a man who is secure in himself emotionally and who is independent and respects my independence .