Does time really heal?

[Cheeseandpickle1]

Hi
I’ve been with my partner now for 4 years, we have a 2 year old and I’m 7 months pregnant with our next baby.
My partner and I are total opposites but it works, he is calm and laid back and I am quite fiery anyway as a women I feel we always know when something is not right with our men.

Early his year I decided to look through his phone, just because, anyway I found something quite upsetting. It was a conversation with another women, it was regarding his trip to Spain for work. She sent him a picture of himself in his boxers (he had sent it to her years back, before he met me, when they were sleeping with each other!) anyway his reply was “I’m going to Spain soon and your coming with me” with a cheeky emoji face. I felt heartbroken and extremely angry when I read this, more so that the messages were sent on the week of our sons 1st birthday when our DS was suffering with chicken pox. I was furious that while I was consoling DS, my so called partner was in our bedroom planning on meeting this other women while on a work trip.
I might add that he didn’t go on this work trip as it was delayed and later cancelled, but the plans of meeting her are more than enough for me.

I left him and stayed with my parents but we soon agreed to meet to discuss the future as I do love him and he supposedly loves me. We agreed to move on and try and work it out but I can’t help but constantly bring it up during every rowl we have. I just feel let down and sad. This has been on my mind for months and I feel like I just haven’t moved on from this.

My partner is a popular person and he has a lot of female friends, most of which I’ve never met before. He was a ladies man before we became met. Although I must admit he is a real gentleman towards me and he is a great father to DS and I do truly love him. I just feel so hurt by this situation and it has made me extremely jealous.

Every time his phone rings I’m curious as to who is calling, every text I try and check who it is. I just don’t feel comfortable. I’m always waiting for the moment to get on his phone and have a snoop, although I never get the opportunity to, as he never puts the bastard phone down.

I know I can’t live my life like this I just don’t know what else to do, I feel so insecure and jealous.
Will time heal or will it just get worse?
He assured me he would of never actually pulled through on the plans of meeting this woman and said he really messed up by even suggesting it. I’m just such a loyal person and I would never of even suggested anything of a sort with someone else.
Do I let this go because he didn’t actually cheat? Or did he only not cheat because the opportunity was taken away? I just don’t know what to feel anymore.

He's hurt you and only you can decide if what he's done is enough for you to end your relationship. In my experience, you will keep thinking about it and that's not easy to live with. It doesn't go away, I'm afraid.

In a similar situation I forgave him and we got pregnant again I’m now 8 months and guess what he’s been up to old tricks I wish I’d left him the first time...again there was no physical contact but he did try and the opportunity was taken from him I guess some men are never happy

I don't think you will be able to move past it, it will chip away at your self esteem and confidence until you are a shell of your former self. You will become increasingly paranoid and resentful. You won't be happy because you'll never be able to relax. And the phone checking will just get worse and cause you stress and anxiety everytime you do and don't get a chance to check the phone.

Sorry to be so blunt

You can't trust him any more. And once trust is gone, you can't build a life or a future together. Sorry

It’s so hard I feel like every time we speak I somehow feel abit better and then something ticks me off and I feel the jealousy kicking in again.
I’m sorry your in the same position and I wish you all the best of luck with your new bundle of joy, with or without your man. Even though there was no physical contact I can imagine like me it still kills. You feel as if if the chance as there they would do it within a heartbeat. I don’t know why some men just can’t be satisfied.

moonandmountains
That’s exactly how I feel right now. It’s just eating away at me and I spend hours and hours just over thinking things and I can see it’s putting him off me. I was never this insecure or jealous. My partner is 34 and I’m 24 and I’m certainly not punching above my weight with him but I think also being pregnant has made me more paranoid and anxious about him on his phone.

Thank you everyone for your reply. I think I’m also just so scared of being a single mum. I’m scared of letting down my son.

You'd be letting your son down if his mother is a bag of nerves, deeply unhappy

springydaff
I totally agree with you on that!

Yes, time heals, and the angrier you get - the quicker you'll get over it. The man you describe is quite a revolting type: the one whom everyone usually loves, finds charming, who charms everyone from a neighbour's dog to a waiter. he's such a "luvvie" and the friendlier he is with everyone - the more you shrink in and fit the description of "insecure, jealous, neurotic". Been there, sista.
Even for the sake of your kids, be away from him. A good bloke won't flirt with anyone if he's attached. believe me, they do exist. He won't have a shitload of "female friends you never met". We all sort of try not to do something if it upsets our partner; he knows all this texting is upsetting you and for some reason didn't stop. Looks like he values his entitlement to something (personal space, freedom to flirt) over your emotional comfort.

How apologetic was he? What work did he do to put it right and rebuild the relationship. It may be that it wasn't dealt with sufficiently for you to move on

BloodyDisgrace
That is how you have described him!
Everyone loves him he always has a great bond with all of the neighbours in our previous home and now current, he is everyone’s friend, my family all love him.
I know his female friends console in him about their relationships or financial difficulties or they just generally give their life story to him because he is approachable, always happy and gives good advice. One of his female friends said to someone about me, I quote “she is lucky she got with him, she just landed on her feet by being with a guy like him” we fell out with her and he doesn’t speak to her after she made that comment. I was so annoyed at that bitchy statement because I didn’t actually land on my feet by getting with my partner that makes me sound like my situation was terrible before I met him, and she doesn’t even know me the cheeky cow.
Another female friend had her birthday party at a bar and we were all sitting at a table, she stood up and gave a speech about my partner saying how she looks up to him she is so happy for him and how well he has done in life and how she would love to be with someone like him and it was just bloody cringey to say the least, not to mention I was bloody 6 months pregnant. She was drunk and everyone felt embarrassed by her, she is another who has a crazy obsession with him. She was trying to befriend me and was a adamant that She would somehow be the god mother to our son . Obviously that never happened and my partner agreed that she is nuts.
I just don’t understand what some females are like it’s horribly cringey but I suppose he should know not to befriend women like this. It didn’t effect me in the past but now I’m starting to feel insecure about it all.

It's weird, isn't how, how some people can be so blind to a thoroughly unpleasant character.

All that bonhomie/everyone loves him - I'd take that with a pinch of salt iiwy. I don't trust people like that - only bcs I've been badly bitten by someone like that and I no longer trust charm.