Narcicsscism - tell me about it

[Bastardgit]

I’ve come out of a relationship with a someone who has virtually all the traits of a covert narc. I know no one else who knows him would believe this to be the case, it was only me (and some exes I believe) that he behaved this way with. He started to treat me badly early on but I was too involved to walk away.

He was in a new relationship for months before he ended it with me, I only found this out recently. He gives the impression of being in love with her and spends all his time with her. Basically he is doing the opposite of how he treated me with her.

It has destroyed my confidence, sleep, appetite, peace of mind and I struggle to make sense of it all. How do people move on after these relationships end?

I read a book called The Narcissist You Know which was quite eye opening. It explained a lot but then I realised I was still giving him headspace by trying to figure him out.

The best revenge (and hopefully also therapy) is to move on and live well without him. Narcs think they are the centre of the universe and while he is still in your head, he remains the centre of yours. By making peace with the end of the relationship and not worrying about how he is it isn’t treating his new woman, you can remove him from the top spot in your life and make room for you again.

not worrying about how he is *OR isn’t

It leaves me wondering what was wrong with me that I was treated so badly while the new partner is given commitment and constant attention/time.

Not your problem now. You've dodged a bullet. Move on. Don't look back. You know the signs for the future. Good luck.

There's nothing wrong with you.

You will move on in time.

He will treat the new woman, and the woman after that, and the one after that, with equal contempt once he needs narc supply from a new source.

Have you heard of idealise, devalue discard? It's their modus operandi.

Congratulations on being free of a nasty parasite. Be thankful he's moved on.

Treat yourself kindly.

In future, beware of someone mirroring your own values, joys and intelligence.

Yes, except it seemed to go Idealise devalue discard x 3 then idealise devalue replace discard .