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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Narcissistic Father of children and access

3 replies

TatlN · 09/07/2018 22:48

I was with my ex for 3 years and in that time we had 2 children. He never treated me very well he would force me to have sex with him by pinning me down. He was verbally abusive and controlling. He has a gambling addiction and is a compulsive liar. I gave him so many chances to change but he had no respect for me. He has never been a good father he would lose his temper with our son and man handle him and would get aggressive with my daughter when she cried and has been caught appearing almost ready to shake her. The final straw was 3 Months ago when he took lots of money out of the accounts for his gambling leaving no money for food etc and finally stole money out of a savings tin for the children. I told him he had to find somewhere to live. A few days later he took our son out and brought him back then he jumped in front of a train coming into the station. He has severe injuries in hospital and I told him that it doesn’t change anything we are still over. He then became nasty by spreading nasty lies about me and trying to cause problems with my family and friends. I got a solicitor and told him I won’t be having any further contact with him. I now have the decision to take him to court to get something in place so he can’t take the children when he is discharged and that they live with me and he has only supervised contact due to mental health. Or should I wait and see if he takes me to court if he can even make the effor for the kids. What I worry about is the horror stories of judged favouring the father and they get more access then they should or worse they get full custody. The stress is making me ill I just don’t know what to do

OP posts:
CaledonianQueen · 09/07/2018 23:39

I am so sorry TatIN, you have been through absolute hell! Well done on escaping from his abusive clutches! I would contact Woman’s Aid, as well as SS and rape crisis. If you have witnesses to his being about to shake your tiny daughter then now is the time to get SS involved, now is the time to protect your children through court ordered only supervised contact, or your having 100% custody. I would suggest woman’s aid first, they have the experience and wisdom to help guide you through the process. You need a good lawyer too, hopefully your local WA can guide you to an experienced local lawyer.

Have you read Lundy Bancroft ‘Why does he do that’ there is an online download on this link
unityandstruggle.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I also recommend looking into narcissism as most importantly the freedom program!

Changedname3456 · 10/07/2018 08:13

It’s very unlikely that a man in those circumstances would get full custody. I think the attempted suicide / “cry for help” alone would ensure that.

It would probably be in your interests to have an established CAO because, if he has PR, at the moment there’s nothing legally enforceable that would stop him having the kids when he wants to.

AngelsSins · 10/07/2018 12:07

He’s a vile, abussive rapist and you’re 100% doing the right thing. I can’t offer advice re court etc, as I just don’t have enough knowledge, but there are plenty of women here who will be able to give you some good information. I just wanted to say I really admire you from not backing down and for putting yourself and your kids first. That kind of man doesn’t deserve any women in his life.

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