Just wanted to talk really. I've endured quite a lot in my life but one thing I've never spoken much about was my first romantic relationship from the ages of 15-17. I'm 35 now. My father was an abusive alcoholic and the domestic abuse was at fever pitch at home during this time.
My mum is very much a minimiser/enabler and despite me repeatedly begging her to leave him and take me out of there, she was concerned at losing the council house so she sent me to stay with my boyfriend and his family for an extended time. They were outwardly religious (we were at church school) and they promised to make up a spare bed for me but they never did.
So I slept in my boyfriend's bed from 15 years of age (he was the same age). It was fun for a couple of days and I felt very grown up. However he was extremely coercive when it came to sex and I was having to sleep with him multiple times a day, I was exhausted at school and looking back, in way over my head.
He had some issues and hang-ups around sex and despite being a teenage lad he could rarely 'finish' and as a result I was just used and used while he tried to work out what got him off. I was often coerced into doing things I was uncomfortable with and I just felt I had no escape.
He was emotionally abusive - putting me down, he would dump me for a day and say he was in love with my friend etc. He also became physically violent. He would slap and punch me. I would try and hit back. His mum would regularly rush into his bedroom and pull him away from me, but that was about it. "He hits me too" she would say, and walk back out. She never told my mum and neither did I. I knew that if I told anyone what was happening then I'd have to go back to the hell that was my own home.
One particularly awful occasion, we were hanging out in his room with a mutual male friend, my boyfriend was bullying me and I said I was leaving. As I walked down the garden path he ran after me and took a running kick to my back. I flew into the street and people just looked and walked by.
I was very lucky to take up a hobby which meant spending time with a core group of good friends (I still have them now. Although they didn't know the extent of the abuse, or what's was happening at home, they helped with my self esteem and eventually I was strong enough to dump him.
However the relationship often feels like a cloud hanging over me. My dad made me witness his suicide attempt when I was 17 (I was supporting my mum and she finally agreed to file divorce papers, so he timed his overdose for when I got in from college, looking back I think it was a punishment for calling him out on his abuse).
These experiences have led me to become a completely conditioned and programmed people pleaser. My boundaries are completely unreliable! I'm fortunate that DH is a good man, I was drawn to him as he had baggage and I'm drawn to fix people. Luckily he was having his own counselling early on in our relationship and he is emotionally healthy now. I have a nice peaceful life and no one hurts me.
I guess I'm just asking for your experiences as I don't see much on MN about teenage relationship abuse. I guess I just find myself wondering how so many people could look the other way?