Fed up with MIL / Do I move nearer my parents?

[Beeperbird]

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and a stay at home mum with a 2 year old. I have HG and my toddler is currently going through a loooong terrible twos. DH works full time (out the house from 7.30am to 7pm Mon-Fri) which we need him to so we have money!
My parents live 6 hours drive away, both retired.
My DH's parents live 15 mins away, both retired.

I've really been struggling the past few months looking after my son, and so my mum has been coming to visit a lot to support me but can't be down here all the time as my dad is unwell and needs help too.
My MIL is the opposite, despite being 15 mins away she (just a few examples out of many):

• said no to picking up my son from a friends house when I was hospitalised due to dehydration. Apparently because she thought it was unfair to leave the dog in the house by itself even tho she could have brought him with.
• after we stayed the night at her house left me to pack up travel cot & toys etc while she sat in the garden sunbathing. When I asked for some help said "sure, in a minute" but then didn't move!
• says she can't commit to helping me out now and then (I asked her if she could do a half day a fortnight) because she doesn't know what her plans are - said she'd call me if she's ever free but never has.

I don't mean to come across expecting her to help just because she's so close to us, I think it's just the huge difference between her and my mum that's making me feel sad and a bit upset (and prob the hormones too!). My DH has a really good relationship with her and they meet up at the pub once a week for a pub quiz... but she's not really interested in me or my toddler.

My parents have offered to help us move to them, have even offered us to live rent free in their house while they move to a second smaller property they own nearby.
DH thinks we're mad to even consider it but I must admit I would love to have the help my parents can offer, and also it would be so nice to be closer to my dad while he's still around.
What do I do? How do I make this decision?

Sorry for the ramble of this thread I just need a bit of guidance! I've asked my friends and they have all said to stay here (but admit they are biased as they would miss me!)

Honestly I would go if my OH could get a job near there! Life would be easier for you and you would have the support of your family. You will make new friends especially around the kids as you get to meet lots of people at groups/nursery/school.

What about husband's job? Surely that is the first consideration. This would have to be a joint decision but you seem to regard it as yours 'how do I make a decision? '

Well clearly Mil does not want to help out. So you need to come to terms with that and forget asking for help. In terms of moving to your parents, how would it work for dh (and your) careers? Is it feasible? You would want to do it before toddler starts school too.
You need dh to step up and help or to compromise on location.
He sounds like he would prefer to stay near his mum though.
A big calm chat is needed here.

If it's possible for your DH to move jobs fairly easily, I'd say go for it!!

Life with little ones is HARD. And it would be lovely for you to have that support and make some wonderful memories with your parents.

It's lovely that they want to be so involved in your DC's lives and amazing for them to have grandparents to dote on them.

Why don't your parents move close to you

Oh dear. Whatever the rights or wrongs, it's clear that your MIL is not interested in you or your child. That's the situation you have to deal with, that and the fact I presume your DH is never the one to ask the favours? Why doesn't he ask, and would she be so dismissive of him?

My Mil was a bit like this, though not quite so blunt; was always too busy to offer any help, never knew her plans in advance etc. Fair enough, they had lots of interests and friends, but now the DC are adult they have little to do with her and FIL as they don't really have a relationship with them, but the in-laws get upset about this, especially that they are now elderly and their health is not good. They say they want to be closer to the 'family'. DH said "I see you twice a week, what more do you want?". They said "Not you, the DGC and Fishing". Well it's a bit late now.

I would say move to be nearer to your family if you feel you need family support. I never really had help from my mother either, but then she lived a long way away, didn't drive and worked full-time, so I just got on with it. I have no idea what HG is, so possibly I'm missing something here.

Why don’t your parents move to you?

If you have an unwell dad that needs lots of help you may find that moving might not be as beneficial as you think.

Accept that your MIL and FIL (why are these threads always aimed at just the MIL?) don’t want to help.

Look at putting your eldest into nursery or childcare for half a day/one day a week, look into paid babysitters, ask some of your wonderful friends who don't want you to move to help out a bit!

Move closer to your mum & dad.

She can help & support you through these early baby years & beyond, and you can help with your father. Also has the added bonus that your children will grow up to see how a loving family takes care of each other.

I would be wanting to move if I were you in your position. It's obviously not as easy as that though.
Is it possible for your DH to find a similar job nearer to your parents?
If your dad is poorly then how about taking up your parent's offer for a few weeks/months rent free so that you can spend time with them and get some support from your mum too?

Thanks for your replies.
I don’t see the decision as just mine - however it would need a big push from me for it to happen therefore I feel I need to decide if it’s the right thing before really discussing it with my DH.
DH has a job which is fairly common, so I doubt he’d have trouble finding a job. However he likely would have to take a pay cut as the salary difference outside of London area is considerate I think.
DH would ideally like to stay near his mum, and in this area as he has a lot of old friends around here that he socialises with.
My parents cannot unfortunately move down here (mainly due to house price differences, and would feel bad moving my dad)
I didn’t mean to leave out my FIL, it’s just he’s never really interested in anything so I don’t think of him when looking for someone who might help!
DH has asked his mum before (he called her for help when I got a stomach bug a few weeks ago) and she agreed she’d come and help but then text me after an hour saying she “got busy” and wasn’t coming after all

Living costs will also be less so a pay cut won't necessarily mean a drop in lifestyle.