Hand hold please - affairs & divorce

[Greenbean11]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I’ve found the advice and support on here such an immense help since DDay which was 6 months ago.
To cut a very long and sad story short. My marriage has ended. Discovered years and years of affairs and deception, I didn’t have a clue -I genuinely never suspected a thing and I thought we were so happy. Even after everything, I tried to work through it - although I wasn’t trying to ‘fix’ or ‘save our marriage’ (I think deep down I knew it was over but I suppose I wanted to salvage something) I invested time and emotional energy talking with him to try and understand why. I guess I put his needs ahead of mine. I had hoped there was still a chance for us to be a family, as up until 6 months ago, I thought that’s what we were.
Discovered recently that he has continued to lie to me and continue one of his affairs.
I am 8 months pregnant.
I am done now.
My issue now is that I am so angry and disgusted about the way I have been treated but I also feel so sorry for him. He has completely and utterly ruined his life (this has affected friendships, family relationships, house situation, money, everything). I want to hug him and try and make things better but I know in my heart of hearts that I’ve tried to do that and it was thrown back in my face, causing me more pain and devastation. Not sure what I’m asking really. I just find it hard to turn off 10 years of love, even after everything.
Any advice gratefully received. I feel so incredibly alone.

You are not alone in this.

Do not beat yourself up because you still feel sorry for him. This is the man that you loved for 10 whole years and your natural instinct is to try and make him feel better. Any person with a good heart would feel the same.

However, it's time to put yourself and your children first. Don't worry about him, shit has a tendency to float and I'm sure he'll be fine.

Look after yourself and stay strong.

The emotions at 2 extremes is common, justifiable anger at him but also as you loved him hurt for what has been destroyed.

It will take time, more than 6 months but slowly the emotions subside.Sure you will still get peaks but it will generally feel more manageable.
It is a grief situation, mourning the loss of what you had.

I hope you have family support.

Thank you both for your responses. Thankfully, I do have family support which I am so grateful for.
I also swing from feeling like he is playing the victim to feeling like no wonder he is completely devastated. The thing is, I’m not sure how much of his devastation is actually due to realising how he has treated me and the pain he has caused or if he’s actually just crying for himself and the fact he has been caught. It’s hard to work that one out.

Try not to get invested in what he is thinking and feeling. If you can get some counselling for yourself and help yourself to cut the emotional ties that you will still feel for him then you will start to be able to move on.

He obviously isn't cut out to be a family man, and he's well practised at deception. It's not as though it just happened once; you have to be something of a cynic to do it time after time, without any consideration for DW. You'll have to throw this one back, OP.

I think you need to recognise that you are probably feeling some grief at the thought of the loss of your marriage, and that he's not the man you thought he was.
I'm inclined to think that he was happy to carry on whilst he wasn't caught out, so what you're seeing now is his guilt (well deserved IMO - he did this to not only you but your family unit also), and his realisation that now it's been discovered he can't undo the damage its caused.
I've been in your shoes and know how tough it is to get through it, but you will.

Thank you for your responses. What on earth would possess a person to gamble everything? I’ve discovered that this has gone on for years and most likely would have continued had he not been caught out. If you want to be single and sleep with lots of women - go and do it, but at least afford your wife the decency of telling her that. I feel like he robbed me of any chance to rectify our marriage before it blew up in the worst way. I should mention that I never thought our marriage needed rectifying - but clearly he felt differently. Or perhaps he just wanted everything.
Anyway, I spend all this time thinking about him but I’m quite certain he is not thinking about me nearly as much.
When does it get easier? Does it get easier? I’m so scared that I am now doing everything alone and I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve this.

It does get easier, after time. It took me a looooong time. I fell out of love quickly, but the anger took longer. And in your position id have been even angrier. Don't take him back because you are scared, keep him away because he is a twat. It will be ok and you can do it. But be prepared for it to be hard, because it is. But you WILL be fine